I Need Your Help
by Feathers 'n Grace
Summary: Castiel returns to the bunker for help a couple weeks after Dean kicked him out and Dean doesn't have the heart to make him leave again. But will Dean be able to keep both Sam and Cas safe? Or has he bitten off more then he can chew? Hurt!Cas, Protective!Dean.
1. Chapter 1

_**Summery:** Castiel returns to the bunker for help a couple weeks after Dean kicked him out and this time Dean doesn't have the guts to make him leave again. But will Dean be able to keep both Sam and Cas safe? Or has he bitten off more then he can chew?_

* * *

It had been a whole two weeks since Dean had told Cas he couldn't stay at the bunker with him and Sam, and the whole two weeks he'd been beating himself up about it. He kept going over how he could have done things differently, but always arrived at the same conclusion; there had been no other option. He couldn't very well allow that dick angel to leave with his brother.

So there he sat, earlier morning sun probably just rising outside and Sam out running laps like a freak while he downed way too much coffee and brooded in his bad mood. Dean sighed, pushing his third cup away and turned back to the books in front of him. He really hated research but this time it was his brother's life on the line so he needed to know all he could about angels and their vessels.

He was about ready to flip the page when he heard a soft knock on the door.

"What the hell?" Dean muttered, wondering who on earth could be here at this time of day. They never got visitors and Sam wouldn't knock.

He climbed the stairs and cautiously opened the door; revealing a very pitiful, exhausted looking, and super dirty Cas.

Hearing the door open, Cas lifted his sagging head to meet the hunters gaze. Dean felt his heart break at the look of utter defeat in the ex-angel's eyes. Cas' hair appeared it hadn't seen a brush in at least a month, his face had bruises and dirt smudges everywhere, and his clothes were torn and filthy like he'd been in a fight.

Dean felt rooted in place with shock, managing to do little more than stare.

"Dean." Cas' voice was super deep and raspy and oh so pleading. "I need your help."

This snapped Dean out of his trance and without thinking he pulled his friend into a tight embrace, resting his chin on the soft messy hair and holding Cas' head tight to his chest with one hand while the other gently stroked his back. Cas tensed at first but soon melted against Dean like he'd never been hugged before and was craving it like the very air they breathed.

They held the contact longer then was probably normal for two platonic male friends and when Dean finally pulled away his heart was pounding so loud in his ear he feared Cas would hear it. But if the shorter man noticed he didn't say anything and he didn't seem to think anything was abnormal about their 'hug' either.

"What happened to you?" Dean questioned, stepping back and squeezing Cas' shoulder lightly, sadden by how skinny it felt beneath his fingers. Had he not been eating?

"I'm sorry, Dean. I know you made it clear you don't want me here and-"

"Whoa, whoa!" Dean cut him off. "I never said I didn't want you here, Cas." He looked down, guilt clutching at his insides. He pretty much had said that, but not because he didn't want Cas around, surely he knew that? "I mean, I know I said you couldn't stay but it wasn't because I don't want you around..." Dean trailed off, not sure how to continue. He chanced a glance back at the ex-angel.

Head slightly tilted, Cas regarded him with a blank expression, his breath seemed labored and the normally bright blue eyes were dull, really he appeared he might collapse at any second. Dean suddenly had the urge to cradle him like a scared child.

Instead he motioned for Cas to come in. "Come on, Cas. You look like you could use a shower and some food."

"Okay." Cas sounded surprised, relieved and way too eager all at the same time and again Dean felt guilt eating at him like a sickness. The way Cas perked up at the word food spoke volumes. He walked past Dean a little stiffly, swaying a little when he got to the top of the stairs. Dean instantly threw his hand out to steady his friend and Cas turned to him with uncertainty when Dean's hand gripped his upper arm, like he thought Dean had changed his mind.

"Just don't want you to fall." he explained quickly, wishing he didn't notice the hint of fear in Cas' eyes. The way someone looks when their last option had failed.

Cas nodded and relaxed his posture, allowing Dean to help him down the stairs and over to the table he'd been sitting at earlier. The hunter pushed the books to the other end and pulled a chair out which Cas gratefully slumped into with a groan.

"So, tell me what happened." Dean podded again.

Cas sighed wearily and averted his gaze. "I got beat up by some homeless men who didn't take too kindly to me going through "their" dumpsters. And then I ran into an angel who almost killed me... but luckily I killed him first." Cas grinned proudly at the last part.

Heart sinking Dean bit the inside of his lip, already knowing the answer to the question he was about to ask. "Cas, why were you going through dumpsters?"

Rubbing the back of neck without looking up, Cas mumbled. "For food."

"Cas, man, I'm sorry, I-" he started, feeling like a complete ass of a friend for having kicked Cas out without so much as a fake credit card or some other means of obtaining food, but stopped when he caught sight of a dark red stain on Cas' shirt, trailing all the way down his right side, worry overcoming his senses he whispered. "Are you bleeding?"

Cas looked down at himself and frowned, as if he'd just noticed the blood. "I don't know." He admitted.

Dean shook his head, hoping it wasn't too bad if Cas hadn't even been aware of it until he'd pointed it out. "Well, as hungry as I'm sure you are, food is going to have to wait until I take a look at you."

Cas pouted but let Dean lead him to his bedroom. The hunter closed the door behind him before motioning for Cas to sit on the edge of his bed. The last thing he needed was Sam walking in on him with a half naked fallen angel in his room.

Studying the situation briefly, Dean opted to cut the ratty shirt off Cas instead of trying to get it over his head. When the other man gave him an anxious stare Dean patted him on the shoulder. "Don't worry, you can have one of mine."

"Thank you." Replied Cas, watching as Dean finished removing his shirt and threw it in a crumpled heap to the floor.

Choking back a gasp, Dean reached out and trailed his fingers down Cas' now bare chest. The poor guy have bruises covering the front of his body, some purple and blue and a few older ones that had turned a sickly yellow. The roughly three inch cut along his right rib had stopped bleeding some time ago but dried blood still caked the surrounding area. It looked painful enough but not life threatening thankfully.

Dean kept his contact well clear of the wound, not wanting to hurt Cas, as he continued his exploring touch down the other man's stomach. He wasn't as muscular as Dean but he was still well toned and proportioned and Dean found himself enticed by the soft flesh beneath his calloused hands. The fine hair felt different, weird, he was used to woman with their smooth, hairless bodies. Yet what he felt for Cas went beyond a physical desire for sex, which was the main reason he touched most women, this feeling ran deeper, purer somehow.

"Dean?" Cas' voice sounded a bit breathier than normal and when Dean looked up he saw Cas had his head tilted back slightly and was staring at him with barely open, yet intense blue eyes. The thought that Cas might actually be enjoying his touch made the hunter shiver involuntarily and jerk his hand away.

"Um, I think you'll be fine taking a shower by yourself... So um, I'll just be... Be here. Just be careful you don't, you know, open up the wound again... I'll bandaged you up when you're done, okay? Okay! So get going." Dean knew he was rattling but couldn't help it, and when Cas raised his eyebrow in that way he always did when human babble slightly escaped him, it was all Dean could do it stop himself from hugging him again. Men only hug when they haven't seen each other for a while or one of them had almost died, he reminded himself.

"Oh, okay." Cas finally muttered, and did he sound disappointed? Dean felt his pulse began to race even faster. "Guess I should get to it then." He gave a small smile before sliding carefully off the bed.

"Yeah, well, let me know if you need help, taking a real shower is a bit more involved than snapping your fingers and poofing everything clean." Dean laughed a little, he meant it as a joke but one look at Cas' crestfallen face told him his friend didn't find it funny.

"I know how to take a shower, Dean, I'm not an invalid." He scowled, turning his back and stalking off down the hall before Dean could respond.

Letting out a loud breath, Dean flopped backdown on his bed, letting his pounding heart return to a slower pace. He felt nervous, and that made him said stupid stuff. But, realizing Cas probably felt self conscious about losing his powers, Dean made a mental note not to tease him about it again. What he couldn't understand was why he felt so antsy? He'd never had feeling for the angel other than brotherly love before, but something about him being human, seeing him vulnerable, made Dean want to cuddle him close and run his fingers through that soft, dark hair and assure him everything would be okay. Those weren't normal feeling to have towards another guy.

However, he had an even bigger problem to worry about, when Sam came back Ezekiel would find out about Cas and he probably wouldn't be happy. Dean couldn't let anything happen to Sam, not even for his best friend's sake. He really wanted his brother back, he missed not having to wonder what the third party was listening to and he hated the helplessness he'd been feeling more each day realizing the angel really had full control here. All he'd have to do was threaten Sam's safety and Dean would do anything he asked. Like telling Cas to beat it even when the ex angel's heartbroken look had nearly crushed him.

Rubbing his temples Dean got up and started pacing the room, this was bullshit! He had only two people in this crumb hole he cared about, why couldn't he have both of them safe, both with him? Life was never fair.

Still hearing the shower running, Dean went back to the main room and glanced around, suddenly having an idea he rushed into the kitchen and grabbed all the beer out of the refrigerator. Just as he was returning from stashing it all in his room under the bed, Sam opened the bunker door and walked down the stairs.

"Hey, Dean." He greeted his brother cheerfully.

"What's up?" Dean raised his eyebrows at the sweaty t-shirt Sam had on, wiggling his nose but didn't comment. "How you feelin'?"

"I feel pretty good." Sam told him in slight confusion. "Better than I have in months."

Grinning, Dean nodded, trying to act normal. "Well. You're a tough guy, no stupid little trials can keep my brother down for long, right?"

"I guess." Sam shrugged. "I'm going to go hit the showers, find another case for us yet?"

"Actually, I was just in the middle of cleaning the showers and came out here for a beer and we're out, so..." Dean looked pointedly at his brother. "I was hoping you could make a quick supply run and get some more."

Sam frowned. "Seriously? You drank all the beer already? It's not even seven in the morning."

"Must have drank it all last night without realizing."

Rolling his eyes, Sam walked in to the kitchen and opened the refrigerator to see for himself, just like Dean knew he would. He stared into the empty container and shook his head. "We had like two cases left yesterday."

Dean shifted nervously. "Well, we don't now so you better get going."

"I stink, I need to at least take a shower first." Sam complained, giving his best bitch face.

"Sammy, I need beer." Dean snorted in an attempt to hold back a smart ass comment about how ridiculous running was because of that very reason.

"Fine." Sam grumbled, catching the keys the older Winchester tossed him.

"Pick up some more food too." Dean hollered at Sam's retreating form. He grunted and waved a hand in acknowledgement before closing the door behind him.

Dean let out a sigh of relief and sank into the nearest chair, obviously this wasn't a permanent solution but it would at last give him time get take care of Cas and get some food in him. He returned to his bedroom with a half empty bottle of whiskey, and bowl of water and the first aid kit. Setting the items on the corner of his bed, he rummaged through his clothes until he found a t shirt and flannel that fit tight on him, he figured they would fit Cas perfect since he was a little smaller.

Now Dean had nothing to do but sit and stress about his next course of action. Maybe it was partly for selfish reasons but he couldn't fathom the thought of kicking Cas out again.

"Well, what do you think?" Cas' inquiry broke through Dean's brooding and he blushed slightly went he looked up and saw his friend was standing in his doorway, naked, expect for a towel he had wrapped around his waist.

Dean let his eyes wander over Cas' body for a moment, taking in the fact that he had cleaned his hair and everything else, and the way his skin shown with stray water droplets... But damn, he sure had a lot of bruises and appeared to have lost a lot of weight, and the cut on his ribs had started oozing bright red blood.

"You're bleeding, I told you to be careful." Dean snapped, surprised by his own harshness.

"I was." Cas stated, all traces of playfully gone from his features.

"Not careful enough." Before he could stop himself, he'd closed the gap between them to closer inspect the wound. "This is deeper than I thought, how is it possible you didn't notice this before?"

"I never said I didn't notice." Cas replied, even more annoyed. "I said I wasn't sure if I was still bleeding. It's been bleeding on and off the last couple days."

"Dammit, Cas, you need to wrap stuff like this!"

"I didn't exactly have anything to wrap it with." Retorted Cas, sounding defensive and down right pissed off.

"Okay, lose the attitude." Dean warned. "I'm just trying to help."

"By telling me how stupid I am?" Cas glared, like he was going to power up with glowing eyes and outstretched wings and smite Dean right then and there. If Dean didn't know Cas was human he'd be scared right now.

"Alright, calm down." Sighing, Dean walked back over to the bed and patted the spot next to him.

Cas looked for all the world like he wanted to fight, but after several moments he only sighed, his shoulders slumping in defeat as he gave Dean a pleading look. The hunter wanted to apologize but his pride wouldn't let him.

"Can you fix it?" Cas asked softly, almost like he was afraid Dean would tell him no.

"'Course I can, I've stitched up way worse gashes on Sam before." He knew what Cas really meant. _Will_ you fit it? He felt horrible that Cas seemed afraid to ask for his assistance, like the ex angel thought he didn't want to give it.

"Um, I need some pants too." Cas averted his gaze to the floor and Dean's heart fluttered in his chest. Why did Cas have to be so adorable? Wait, did he just think his friend was adorable?

"Oh, right." Dean got up and tried to shake his feelings by focusing on going through his clothes for the second time. He soon found a pair of pants he rarely wore and a bag of boxer briefs with a couple still in it he hadn't used yet. He grabbed both articles of clothing and placed them in the bed.

"Put those on and call me when you're... You know, wearing some pants."

Dean left the room and closed the door behind him, leaning against the wall and squeezing his eyes shut. A couple moments later his phone rang, startling him. Looking at the screen, releasing he'd left one of his phones on the nightstand, he rolled his eyes, the faintest of smiles gracing his lips.

"Dude, I'm right outside the door."

"You said to call." Came the gravely reply. "I'm wearing pants."

"Good to know."

Hanging up the phone with an amused huff, Dean reentered the room to find Cas wearing his jeans and sitting at the head of the bed, back leaning against the headboard. He had the towel pressed to his injured side and blood on his hands.

"How did you get that?" Dean questioned as he joined Cas with the first aid kit and whiskey.

"Angel blade." Cas said through gritted teeth, and Dean could tell he was probably in more pain than he'd been letting on.

Being as gentle as possible, Dean peeled back the bloody towel and dabbed at the wound to get rid of the extra blood. Cas watched him intently but remained quiet.

"This will probably suck." Dean told him as he opened the alcohol bottle and poured some on the cut. Cas jerked, a small hiss escaping his lips, but otherwise said nothing.

"This will probably suck too." Cleaning his hands with the alcohol and towel just be to safe, Dean motioned for Cas to move his arm to rest on the headboard so he could see what he was doing. He wetted a clean washcloth in the bowl he'd brought earlier and gently scrubbed at the cut to clean out any debris.

"Ow!" Cas gasped, gripping the back of Dean's shirt tightly in his right hand. "That hurts!"

"I know, buddy." Muttered Dean, trying to be soothing he placed his free hand on Cas' shoulder and rubbed it gently. Yet when Cas leaned into the touch Dean instantly felt self-conscious and smacked him roughly, breaking the contact. "But it needs to be done, so man up!"

His face flushing, from what Dean wasn't sure, Cas snapped his mouth shut and gritted through the rest, his death grip moving to the comforter underneath them. He wondered briefly if he'd hurt Cas' feelings but didn't comment because that would be even more awkward.

Finishing up, Dean moved on to the task of stitching the wound closed. Cas' breath hitched a couple times during the process, but otherwise he remained silent. Totally engrossed in doing a good job, Dean didn't have space left in his mind to dwell on the internal shivers touching Cas' soft skin gave him. He wrapped bandages a few times around Cas' middle to soak up any bleeding and nodded at his work with satisfaction.

"Alright, all done!" Dean announced with relief as he hurriedly put away the supplies, he wasn't sure how much longer he could be this close to Cas without doing something stupid that they both would regret. "I'm amazing."

"Thank you, Dean." Cas said sincerely, and Dean felt his heart melt into a big gooy puddle.

"Okay." He replied lamely.

Cas smiled sadly. "I didn't know if I should come here, but I wasn't sure what else to do."

 _Dammit_! Dean found himself walking around the bed to sit beside Cas, looking him straight in the eyes. "I'm glad your did." He reached his arm up and ran his fingers down Cas' still very much naked back, applying firm pressure to the tense muscles, again not able to keep his body parts to himself.

"You okay?" Dean asked when he noticed Cas biting his lip. "Does that hurt?"

"No, I'm fine."

"Good." Dean repeated the action a couple times, the muscles twitched beneath his fingers. "You're too tense, man. You need to relax."

"I guess that's what happens when humans sleep on the ground." Cas stated matter of factly, letting his head slump forward slightly. His tone held no accusing edge but Dean still felt responsible for his friend's troubles. "I wasn't aware how many things lead to discomfort."

"Yeah, you get used to it I guess." Dean kneaded his thumb into Cas' shoulder blade to help loosen the knots.

"Mmm..." Cas sighed contently, his blue eyes fluttering shut. "That sure feels nice."

"Yeah?" Dean laughed nervously, the noises Cas made certainly did _not_ make any part of him even a tiny bit hard. He switched hands and moved his left one up to tangle into the short, silky, hair at the nape of Cas' neck as he continued the back rub. The next thing Dean knew Cas had rested his head on his shoulder and was leaning against him heavily, like he was half asleep already.

Dean froze for a moment, eyes scanning the other man's face, mostly his lips, and thought about what kissing them might be like. Maybe he should try... Cas still had his eyes shut blissfully and looked half out of it. He leaned a bit closer, breath warm and heavy over Cas' face, fingers tightening their hold on Cas' hair, tilting his head back further. The ex angel groaned softly, barely, but Dean hard it loud and clear. Kissing him once wouldn't do any harm, right? Dean trailed his hand lower... and it brushed against the hair on Cas' lower back - he pulled back with a disgusted wiggle of his nose. He was touching another guy!

"Dude! Don't be gay!" Dean snorted crossly, slapping the back of Cas' head with enough force that Cas let out a startled yelp.

"What was that for?" Cas frowned, adjusting his position so he could support his own weight and rubbing his head, quite obviously upset this time.

"Why were you leaning on me?" Dean threw the problem back in Cas' lap, knowing full well he was being a total dick.

"I'm sorry..." Cas replied, looking somehow sad, confused and embarrassed all at the same time. "I thought... I mean you... I guess I'm just very tired."

"Well yeah, but guys don't cuddle no matter how "tired" they are, got it?" he needed to tell himself this before letting Cas get the wrong idea next time.

Shaking his head, eyes narrowed like he was trying to understand why he'd gotten in so much trouble, Cas studied Dean's face before turning away. "Maybe I should just leave."

"What?" Dean quickly jumped in, this was not going as he planned at all. But then, when did anything ever work out right? "You don't have to leave. Why don't you stay here and rest and I'll get you some food." Dean paused, wishing he could tell Cas what was really happening with him and Sam. "Don't leave this room, got it?"

" _Dean_." Cas sounded irritated.

Dean held up his finger. "Don't argue with me, just stay here. Please."

"Fine." Cas relented. "Anything for you."

Without another word, Dean left, closing the door behind him. _Anything for you..._ That had definitely been sarcasm, right? Dean shook his head, Sam and Cas and all their drama were going to be the end of him.

* * *

Reviews if you like assbutts! :P


	2. Chapter 2

Dean made eggs, bacon and toast, even cutting up some fruit Sam had sitting in a basket on the counter to thank his brother for going on a "beer run" at seven in the morning. All the while glancing nervously at the clock. Sam would be back soon, and more worryingly, Ezekiel.

Flipping the eggs he had cooking, Dean frowned. Sammy was the most important person on the planet to him, even though he liked to give his brother a hard time, when push came to shove, Sam would always come first. So where did that leave Cas? He might actually be in just as much danger around the Winchesters at this point as he was on his own.

If he could actually talk to Sam about the problem he knew they'd have a solution figured out in short order. Sam would either know what to do, or know how to get the information they needed. But he couldn't because if the angel in his brother overheard he might leave, without or without Sam it wouldn't matter at that point.

Dividing the food onto three separate plates, Dean sent a quick text to Sam asking when he'd be back.

 _Half an hour or so. Can't you live without beer for a couple hours_? Sam texted back.

 _It's you I can't live without, ya bitch. What would I do without someone to go get me beers on demand?_

 _You're a jerk._

Dean smiled, realizing he didn't care about being picked on about his beer habit, he was just happy Sam was okay. For now... He wondered if maybe there existed a way to block angels from hearing conversations being had while they weren't fully possessing the body. He grabbed the book he'd been reading about angels before laughing at himself. He had an expert on angels in his room... Well that didn't sound right.

Grabbing the plate of food and a glass of water, Dean headed back to his room, trying to ignore the butterflies in his chest when he thought about how good having Cas' warm body pressed against his had felt, and how he'd longed to keep touching him. He really wanted to hear more of those breathy little moans and see what other noises that angel was capable of making...

Cas had put on the remaining clothes and was now curled up on Dean's bed, laying on his uninjured side with a blanket wrapped around his shoulders. The way he huddled up like a dog would to protect itself against danger or the cold made Dean's heart constrict painfully.

Tip toeing through the room, Dean set the plate and glass on the nightstand, and allowed his eyes to wander unhindered along the other man's sleeping form. Cas' face appeared the most relaxed Dean had seen him in forever and his breath was soft and even. Yet he still had dark circles under his eyes and his cheek bones were more defined from the weight lost. The hunter reached down to brush a strand of stray hair out of Cas' face and he shifted slightly, muttering something incoherent before shoving his nose into the pillow. Cas could really use some company, someone to cuddle him while he slept, caress his dark hair and whisper reassuringly in his ear with barely contained desire...

 _You have a horrible friend, Cas._ Dean thought with a small, sad smile.

"Hey, Cas." He whispered softly, lightly clutching Cas' shoulder and shaking him, reluctant to wake him from the first good sleep he'd probably gotten since leaving the bunker the first time.

Cas' instantly eyes flew open and his hand gripped Dean's forearm roughly, a look of pure terror on his face.

"Holy shit!" Dean exclaimed in surprise. The next thing he knew Cas yanked him down on the bed with shocking strength and speed, flipping the hunter over on his back so he was straddling Dean's hips, pinning him to the bed. Well this wasn't exactly how he'd pictured his first time with Cas but it would certainly work... Blue eyes glared at him, shinning with the fury a man has while intent on killing his enemy and Cas had a knife clutched in his right hand. Maybe this was getting a bit out of control.

"Cas!" Dean held up his hands in surrender. "Relax, it's just me."

Cas snarled, his left hand moving to trap Dean's arm to the bed with bone crushing force, make Dean gasp in surprise. He restrained his instincts to defend himself, not wanting to frighten Cas more.

"Cas, don't..." Slowly sliding his free hand up Cas' arm he gripped the flannel covering his wrist lightly. Dean didn't want a repeat of the Angel Tablet fight and this time he wouldn't be so lucky as to get healed afterwards. "I'm not going to hurt you."

Finally, recognition flicked across Cas' face and he visually relaxed, letting out a tense sigh. "Um... Sorry." He grunted at length, eyes still darting around the room like a trapped cat.

"It's fine." Dean assured him, letting out a relieved sigh of his own while trying to wiggle out from under his friend. But Cas didn't budge, seemingly oblivious to the fact that his bony butt was pushing against Dean's groin. "You can let me up now."

"Oh, right." Cas released his hold and shuffled off, but not before Dean saw the wince of pain.

"You need to be careful, you're going to tear the stitches."

"Well, it's hardly my fault you snuck up on me like that." He replied shakily, seeming to catch a whiff of the food Dean had brought, Cas glared eagerly in that direction, licking his lips absentmindedly. "Is that for me?"

"Yep." Dean replied, watching as Cas damn near inhaled the contents of the plate while trying to force as much in his mouth as possible. He ate like a dog afraid his pack would steal his food if he wasn't quick enough. "Slow down, it's not going anywhere." The hunter barked gruffly, shaking his head. Cas barely acknowledged him past an anxious glance.

Dean moved to sit on the edge of the bed, to give Cas some space with his food. The way Cas kept sweeping the room with wide, nervous eyes told Dean there was more going on then physical trauma and hunger. The first two he had confidence he could handle, but the wild look in the former angel's gaze, and they way he'd kicked into primal kill mode when woken up by Dean, spoke of a deeper - more emotional - trauma that he hardly felt equipped to tackle. He desperately needed Sam's advice and help here!

"So," Cas said around a mouthful of eggs, "are you going to tell me what's going on?"

Dean snorted a little, trying to look surprised, though he wasn't. Damn angel could always tell when he had something to hide. "Nothing's going on."

"Dean." Cas gave him a leveled stare, though it looked a lot less intimating given the fact that his hair was sticking out in all directions and he still had way too much food in his mouth. "I may not be an angel anymore, but I can still telling when you're lying. You do it quite often."

"I do not!" Dean retorted indigently, to which Cas only raised an eyebrow, patently waiting for him to continue. With a sigh, Dean ran a hand through his short hair, not sure how to proceed. How could he start asking all these questions he had without Cas thinking he'd lost his mind?

"You've been acting on edge since the moment I showed up here."

"Says the person who nearly murdered me for no damn good reason."

Again Cas' eyebrow shot up. As if to say, really? But he once again did a quick scan around the room, as if worried someone was listening to them.

Finally Dean said the first thing that came to mind. "When you were an angel, were you... you a dude?" He mentally kicked himself, where on God's green earth had that come from?

"What?" Cas frowned slightly, appearing taken back, his head tilting as he studied the hunter's face, probably hoping to find the source of the insanity happening before his eyes. _Well there's more where that came from, buddy._ Dean thought, not letting Cas' intense expression shake him, much.

Averting his gaze, Cas pressed his lips, perhaps uncertain how to answer such a strange question. Dean wished he could retract his ridiculous inquiry, and the same time yearned to know the answer to a question he'd never cared at all about in the past. If Cas were really a female maybe that would explain his sudden urges to straddle him, hold him down against the soft memory foam and kiss the living shit out of him.

"Yes, I am... was, a male angel I suppose. In your definition of the word." He replied after a moment, glancing down at his lap before turning back to Dean. "And I'm certainly a male now."

"So you've never been a woman?" Dean prodded, wondering how he got himself in these situations and why he couldn't just shut the hell up already.

"No..." Cas' eyes narrowed even further and his forehead wrinkled in what appeared to be a confused scowl. "Why?"

"No reason," Dean shrugged, "I've just always wanted to ask you that." Actually he hadn't. Actually he was just desperate to explain his sudden, growing desire for an angel/human - whatever he was - that happened to be a guy, and Dean was certainly, one hundred percent straight as a arrow, and not even the slightest bit gay if you squinted at him sideways.

"So that's what's been bothering you?" Cas didn't sound convinced as he set the empty plate back on the night stand and joined Dean at the foot of the bed.

"Well, no." Without thinking, Dean reached out and cupped Cas' cheek in his palm, the scratchy stubble felt unfamiliar beneath his fingers, but not really in a bad way. "You ever feel like you're in over your head and no matter what choice you make you know its going to be a bad one?" He rubbed his thumb gently along Cas' jawline as he spoke, his heart thumping in his chest when Cas jerked at the sudden touch before tentatively leaning into it, like he really wanted it but was wary of getting yelled at again. Cas definitely wasn't making this any easier, why did he have to be so receptive to Dean's advances?

"I hardly trust my feeling anymore, Dean." Cas replied bitterly, clasping his hand around Dean's wrist and pushing the hunter's arm away. "I feel like I'm doing the right thing, and then it turns out I'm actually contributing to the down fall of my entire race."

"I know, man." Dean stared at the guns lining the walls, trying to swallow the disappointment he felt when Cas push him away. He really wanted to hug Cas and tell him everything wasn't his fault, but decided against the idea. One wrong move could destroy their relationship if feeling weren't mutual. "I guess I just feel like I pulled Sam out of the fire just to throw him back in there myself."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, I think he might still be in danger."

"Dean," Cas voice suddenly turned serious and Dean felt a shiver of dread run down his spine. "What did you do?"

"Nothing." Dean sighed, mildly concerned by how easy lying to Sam and Cas had become, it almost felt like second nature. "It's just, you didn't see how bad he was after I convinced him to stop the trials, and the doctor said he wouldn't make it. Even you said he was damaged beyond what you could heal."

For a moment Cas appeared thoughtful, unsure if he'd been given the whole truth. Dean shifted nervously, fearing he'd said too much and ex angel would somehow figure out what he'd done to save Sam.

"I wasn't just talking about physical damage, Dean." Cas replied at length. "The trials change the very essence of who you are, look what happened to me."

"So, you're saying Sam, isn't Sam anymore?" Dean asked, feeling anger rise in the back of his throat. "Why didn't you tell me this would happen before, Cas?"

Cas sighed, eyes darting around as if trying to collect his thoughts, or assessing the best way to bale on the situation. "That's not what I'm saying." He gave Dean with one of his stares, thought it lacked real conviction.

"Then what are you saying?"

"While Sam was going through the trials, they were cleansing him of all impurities, to be the perfect, unblemished sacrifice." Cas shook his head, staring straight ahead with an sad expression on his face. "Had he completed the final trial, all traces of his being that weren't holy would have been erased, making him a worthy sacrifice to lock all the demons in hell forever."

"Wait, so you're telling me you knew Sam would have to die to complete the trials?" Dean demanded incredibly, jumping up from the bed, lips pressed together in barely contained anger. "Cas... I swear to god..."

"No, Dean..." Cas got up more slowly then Dean had, gritting his teeth against the obvious pain, so they were facing each other. In typical Castiel fashion he got just a bit too close for comfort. "I knew there would be a sacrifice at the end, but I had no idea to would be Sam's life."

His voice measured with anger, Dean press further, not happy with the round about answers. "Cas, is my brother the same person? And answer me straight, dammit!" The last bit slip out harsher then he'd intended, and he instantly felt horrible, Cas didn't deserve that.

"I..." Seeming unnaturally intimated by Dean's aggressive stance, Cas staggered back a step, his hand gripping the bedsheets to keep his balance, taking Dean completely off guard. His blue eyes once again flicked around the room like a frightened animal. Being scared hadn't been a part of Cas as an angel and the new side of him didn't sit well in Dean's gut.

"Cas..." He tried to sound soothing, struggling to keep the angry concern for Sam from his features and voice.

"I don't know." Cas didn't sound frightened, but his expression said otherwise. "Had he finished the trials I would say no, absolutely not. But he didn't, and since I'm no longer an angel I have no way of knowing what state Sam is in."

"Well I'm worried, I can't shake this feeling that something's wrong." Dean calmed down a bit, assured for now that Cas really hadn't know this would happen.

"Is he acting strange? What did Ezekiel say?"

"He seems himself." Dean said hopefully, tensing slightly at the mention of the angel currently possessing his brother. "He didn't say anything, just laid hands and split."

"I'm sure he's... fine, Dean." Cas' voice wavered, and when Dean looked at him, truly looked at him, without any emotion clouding his view, he could plainly see Cas was damn exhausted. His eyes were half shut and unfocused, shoulder slumped with definite fatigue, and his face was a ghastly white.

Again the hunter's protective instinct kicked in and Dean yearned to hold Cas close against his chest so he could feel the other man's heart beat, stroke his back like he'd done with Sammy when they'd been kids... and kiss his soft looking, probably sensitive, neck... Instead he only nodded. "Yeah, you better get some rest, I'm sorry for bothering you with all my problems."

"That's what friends are for." Cas wavered it off, acting like his usual self again. "I care about Sam too."

"Yeah, well I'll get you some Tylenol for the pain."

Cas raised his eyebrow and Dean couldn't suppress his smile. "Just because you're human now don't mean you have to just endure all the discomforts that come with it. I prefer alcohol, but pills work too."

There were pain killers stashed all over the bunker, hunting monsters came with the high risk of acquiring various injuries and why have to go digging around for relief when you could have it located in every single room. Dean grabbed a bottle out of his sock drawer and walked self consciously over to Cas.

"Here." He threw the bottle at Cas who didn't even attempt to catch it. "Seriously, dude?" He bent down and snatched it without waiting for a reply.

When he stood up he found himself face to face with Cas, who had somehow managed to get just a bit too close again. "Cas." He choked out, his cheeks flushing. "Personal... space..." He trailed off when his friend gingerly extended his arm and snaked his fingers through Dean's short, blonde hair. His breath hitch in his throat as he swallowed hard. Cas had never done anything this affectionate as an angel.

"I see now why humans touch each other so much, it's very pleasant." Cas muttered as he continued carding his hand through the coarse strands.

 _Yeah, pleasant._ Dean could think of several far more inappropriate words to use at this moment.

"Cas..." He whispered breathlessly, clenching his fists while fighting the urge to wrap his arm around Cas' waist and pull him flush against him. There was an intensity to Cas' gaze, couple with the way he expertly caressed Dean's scalp while at the same time seeming timid in his actions, that made Dean's legs feel like jello.

"Castiel..." Dean's voice was low and husky, bordering on aroused, as the former angel trailed his hand to the nape of Dean's neck, imitating Dean's firm grip from before. Cas seemed to enjoy his full name being used; if the rare smile gracing his lips was any indication. Or maybe he merely found it amusing that Dean had uttered his name three times in a row without adding anything else useful to the conversation.

"Dean, I wa-" a faint banging sound interrupted Cas and he let his hand drop to his side. Dean bit back the urge to whine at the lost of contact. And really wanted to know what his friend had been about to say, dammit! "Is Sam here?"

Trying desperately to catch his breath, Dean nodded numbly, his skin still tingling in all the places Cas' hand had been moments ago. "Yeah." He said softly... Why didn't Cas appeared the least bit flustered by their intimate encounter?... Wait, Sam. He needed to keep Sam and Cas apart! It was quickly becoming apparent what an nearly impossible feat this would be without telling one of them what was really going on.

"You stay here." He told Cas firmly, heart thumping in his ear with adrenaline as he headed for the door, wheels already turning with ways to get him and Sam out of the bunker for a while.

"I want to see Sam, too." Cas insisted, even as his mouth opened in a yawn. "You're... still acting weird." His gaze dropped to the floor. "Is Sam the one who didn't want me here before?"

"What? No! Of course not, man. Sam likes having you around just as much as I do. I just need to talk to him alone for a minute." When he saw Cas' uncertain look he quickly added. "It's nothing bad, just brother stuff."

"Well, alright."

Satisfied that Cas would stay put, Dean headed for the kitchen where he'd left the rest of the food. He found Sam in the main room, tapping something on his laptop, he looked up when Dean entered.

"Hey, I think I might have found us a case." Sam said, pointing at his laptop. "And I put all the beer and food in the refrigerator."

"Yeah?" Dean went and grabbed the plates he'd left on the counter, along with a beer, and placed Sam's food next to him before taking a seat next to him. "What's it say?"

"Hey, Dean. You feeling okay?" Sam inquired, eyeing the food like it had suddenly grown horns.

"'Course I am." Dean gave his brother a confused frown.

"Really? Because when's the last time you made me fruit without me asking and you saying its rabbit food?"

Rolling his hazel eyes, Dean dug into his eggs, which were getting cold, and shrugged. "Does something have to be wrong for me to be nice to you?"

"Well, yeah. Plus you seem on edge since I came back from running this morning." Sam replied, his voice soft and filled with confusion.

Feeling guilt swell in his gut from the lies he'd been telling lately, Dean almost told Sam the truth. Almost told him he'd tricked him into letting an angel possess him, and that he'd been feeling like shit about it, and that no; Cas hadn't wanted to leave, Dean had been forced to kick him out to keep Sam safe from the very angel he'd allowed full access to his brother's body.

"I'm just worried about you, Sam. You almost died and its hasn't been that long, I don't want you to get sick again." At least all that was true.

"I know you're worried, but honestly I feel great." Sam leaned back in his chair, a thought expression on his face. "I feel almost inhuman good, know what I mean?"

Dean made a face, not wanting to understand what the hell that meant. "You're a freak." He replied, shaking his head.

"Dude, seriously?" Sam gave him a withering look that plainly said he wasn't amused.

"I just call 'em like I see 'em." Dean got up and patted Sam on the shoulder affectionately, breathing out hard like he'd felt something gross. "Why don't you get your smelly ass in the shower and I'll take a look at this case you found?"

"Oh, so now I can't even eat the food you made me?" Sam challenged with a stupid grin on his face.

"Shut your face." Dean slapped Sam's head gently while peering over his shoulder at the computer screen. Sam had the website for local news in their area pulled up and had clicked on "breaking news". Dean's heart sank when he read the headline.

"Eyeballs burned out, eh? Sounds like angels." He sighed; and he'd originally thought one was too many. Maybe Cas had grown on him, but he couldn't really think of another he liked much. Having them all running around on earth was downright ridiculous! "Man, I hate those dicks sometimes."

"That's what I thought." Sam agreed in between bites of toast. "Should we check it out?"

"Obviously." Dean leapt on the chance to get Sam out of the bunker without having to spin some fake story, and he'd of course be going as well to keep his brother safe. Plus he couldn't help but worry about Cas' safety, this angel could very well be hunting him. So win-win for everyone if they headed out as soon as possible. "It's damn near in our backyard, it would be a crime not to go."

He would never admit it, but having angels this close to their house - whatever you wanted to call it - made Dean more then a little uneasy, for more then one reason. Maybe once Sam had healed they needed to see about warding the place against them too. Because, sadly; most of them could be added to the evil list along with the run of the mill demons.

After finishing up his food, Sam headed for the showers, leaving Dean to stew in his, admittedly, self inflicted dilemma. But he only ever created problems to save the people he loved, surely that counted for something? He supposed Cas had thought the same thing, and that certainly hadn't worked out well. Maybe they both needed their heads examined.

Dean snuck back to his room and sighed in relief when he found Cas passed out on his bed, still curled in a tiny ball with a knife clasped to his chest, but they could work on those problems later; at least he was sleeping.

Dean decided to write Cas a note, he retrieved pen and paper from his nightstand and started.

 _Dear, Cas._

No! Jeezs, what were they, a couple of teenage girls? Dean crumpled the paper and threw it in the trash.

 _Hey, Cas._

Nope. Still too affectionate. He threw that page in the trash with the last one.

 _Hey, Dude._

Yes. That worked.

 _Hey, Dude._

 _Sam and I went to check out a case up the road from here. Probably just a salt and burn, so don't worry. Feel free to help yourself to food in the refrigerator and anything else you need. Don't go crazy on the pain killers. You can wear my clothes until I get a chance to you some of your own. I'm leaving one of my phones with you, call me if you have any problems and don't answer it unless it's me calling._

 _Be careful, Dean._

Without making a sound, Dean placed the note on his nightstand where Cas would surely see it and chanced a gentle stroke over the former angel's soft hair, relishing the feel of silk on his finger tips. How did he possess such soft hair, beautiful hair? Dean's blood rushed unexpectedly to his manhood when Cas moaned contently in his sleep, and he had to bit his lip against a gasp of his own.

 _I really need to get laid._ Dean thought decidedly, making a hasty retreat before things got out of hand.


	3. Chapter 3

Gripping the steering wheel a little tighter than necessary, Dean chanced a quick glance at his brother out of the corner of his eye, for probably the tenth time since they'd left the bunker a mere twenty minutes ago. Stockton was only another half hour or so away, so if he wanted to talk to Sam he was quickly running out of time.

Maybe he should forget this ridiculous attraction to Cas and go bang chicks like he'd planned. Taking about feeling was utter nonsense!

Sam was looking out the window of the impala with a mildly interested expression, totally oblivious to Dean's inner struggle. And surely ready to laugh if his normally anti-chick flick brother asked any off the wall questions.

"Okay, spit it out."

Shit! Okay, maybe not that oblivious.

"What are you talkin' about?" Dean tried to sound casual.

"Come on, Dean. You've been giving me the look since we left the bunker." Sam replied, turning to face the older Winchester. "I know you and something's bothering you. So what is it?"

Snorting Dean tried to sidestep the question. "I don't have 'a look'."

"Um, yes you do." Sam retorted, raising an eyebrow. "So just tell me what's going on, I'm here for you."

"Fine." Dean growled, not wanting to spend the next thirty minutes trying to convince Sam there was absolutely nothing going on and he should mind his own business. "I was just wondering if you've ever... you know, been in love?"

Appearing only mildly surprised, Sam's hazel gaze fell to his lap before wandering to look out the opposite window once again, facing away from his brother. And Dean was sure he saw a hint of sadness before he'd had to turn his attention back to the road.

"Yeah." Sam sighed in a sober voice. "A long time ago." he paused before whispering. "With Jess."

Feeling a rush of sympathy for his little brother, Dean waited until Sam turned his face, expression screwed up in a confused frown, back to look his way once more.

"Why?"

Dean shrugged, trying to act chill even though his heart suddenly started pounding much faster. "What does it... well, feel like?"

The lines along his forehead deepening even farther, Sam scanned the car's interior, as if he was trying to decide who took his brother and replaced him with this stranger sitting next to him.

"I don't know." Sam said at length. "It feels good, I guess. You feel warm and fuzzy when they're around, and you want to be with them all the time, because it's just feels so right. And they make you smile for no reason other than being themselves." Sam clenched his jaw slightly. "Most importantly; you know you'd do absolutely anything for them."

Huffing, Dean rolled his eyes. He certainly didn't feel warm and fuzzy feeling around Cas... nope, not even a little... well he felt things, but they were stupid notions brought on by not getting laid enough. And he wouldn't do anything for him, right? He had limits! So maybe he had said he'd die for him, but really, that didn't prove anything romantic was involved.

"Weren't you in love with Lisa?" Sam questioned earnestly, uncertainty still clinging to his voice.

"I don't think so." Dean's mouth twitched in a sad, half smile. "I mean, I loved her, but I don't think I was ever in love with her. I only stayed with her because I made a promise to you; to try and live a normal life."

That seemed to upset Sam a bit and Dean wished he could take it back, or somehow explain that he'd been doing it to honor his dead brother's memory, but his throat suddenly felt dry and his hands all clammy, and emotional crap be damned!

They rode in silence for a while and Dean figured the discussion was over. He sighed in relief, luckily he'd dodged that bullet.

"Why do you ask, anyway?" Pressed Sam softly after several minutes.

"No reason." Dean snapped a little too quickly and Sam raised an eyebrow, a slight smirk forming on his lips.

"Really?" Sam prodded, a full out shit eating grin spreading across his face. "She must have some body if you're contemplating the L word."

"You shut your mouth." Dean growled, reaching over and punching Sam's arm.

"What's her name? Stella? Rose?" Sam laughed, easily dodging Dean's blow.

"I said, shut up, Sammy." Dean warned, suddenly not in the mood of his little brother's teasing. "I just wanted to know what that girly emotion, that I've never felt, feels like, end of story. Drop it."

Still laughing, Sam shook his head, his long hair flying every which way with the motion. "Calm down, Dean. I highly doubt whatever you're feeling for some poor one night stand is anything even remotely like being in love. It will pass as soon as the next available girl comes along."

"This isn't some one night stand!" Dean snapped defensively, his anger stirring at anyone taking about Cas like that. "This is- no one, there's no one. Okay?"

"Well, 'no one' sure has you worked up." taunted Sam, bringing his arm up to block another ill aimed blow from Dean. "Stop!" He smacked Dean back playfully.

Smirking smugly, Dean hit Sam back twice as hard and settled back against the seat cushions, feeling better than he had in a long time. "I miss this." He muttered.

"Miss what?" Sam rubbed his sore shoulder.

"This," Dean gestured vaguely at the space around them, "you and me, just doing our job. Before angels and demons and stupid apocalypses turned everything into a giant shit show."

"Yeah." Sam agreed with a nod. "If only we could go back and change the past, make it so none of this ever happened."

"Maybe we could." Dean ventured, surprising himself with the seriousness of his tone. Surely he wasn't actually considering doing something that crazy. "Maybe just go back to before the trials." He turned to Sam. "Since we know you'll have to die to complete them we don't even have to start. We can get the angel tablet and keep that far away from Metatron and everything would be better."

"What?" Sam looked at Dean like he'd grown two heads. "Dean, are you serious? I'm fine, you're fine. Why on earth would you want to go back and chance messing everything up?"

"Because man, this whole thing is getting out of control. How do we know you're really fine? Um? We don't! And now we have thousands of angels running loose burning people's eyes out, another power crazy angel who-knows-where, doing who-knows-what. A damn Knight of Hell out there somewhere that we pieced back together. And, Cas..."

Sam raised an eyebrow, appearing deep in thought for a moment, he leaned back and stared straight ahead.

Shit! Dean winced inwardly, he'd said too much, Sam was going to catch on and he'd never hear the end of it.

"Dean, are you... upset? About, Cas being, well, human?" Sam asked cautiously.

"No." Dean snorted. Okay, maybe he was a little upset, or a lot. But Cas was a good friend, of course he felt bad for him. "It's just... well, he's kind of useless now and I feel a little bad for him. Don't you?"

"Yeah, yeah of course." Sam paused, his hands in lap. "But, things could be worse, right?"

"Right." The older Winchester grumbled, thankful when they past the sign saying they were entering Stockton, only a few more minutes and he'd be out of the car and this whole ridiculous conversation would be behind them.

"Just promise me you won't do anything stupid, okay?"

"Let's just work this case." Dean avoided the topic altogether. His brother nodded in agreement but Dean could tell he still had questions and concerns floating around in that overactive brain of his.

The local law enforcement didn't have much more to offer in details than the internet article had on the case, only saying that the victims had been a young couple who'd left a bar through the alley way and a man from the same bar had stumbled on them some time later; with their burned missing. The middle aged lady took their info and agreed to call if anything else come to light and sent them in the right direction of the morgue.

Sam thanked the lady politely and hurried to catch up with Dean would was already marching toward the car.

"Why would an angel kill a couple just walking through an alley way? Minding their own business." He wondered out loud, wheels no doubt already turning trying to make sense of the matter.

"Why do angels do anything?" Dean questioned as he swung open the impala's door and sunk into the familiar leather seat. "Because they're dicks."

Furrow pinched in a frown Sam followed suit and sat down roughly in the seat next to his brother. "I don't know." He didn't sound convinced.

"Well, when we find this son of a bitch you can ask them yourself."

"Angels kill when we are threatened."

Dean jerked slightly and cursed under his breath, nothing could get him used to his brother changing into an angel in the blink of an eye whenever Ezekiel felt the need to give him an earful.

"Geez, warn me next time."

Ezekiel tilted Sam's head slightly and regarded him with mild interest. "I am not sure how I would warn you."

"Never mind; what do you want? Do you know something about this case?" Dean failed to keep some of the hope from his voice.

"No. But we really should stay as far away from the other angels as possible."

"Sorry, but your buddies are killing people and it's my job to make sure that doesn't happen."

"Dean." Ezekiel's tone darkened. "I'm not popular amongst my brothers, many will not be happy to see me. If they attack, Sam will be in danger."

Dean sighed, suddenly more worried than he wanted to let on. "I know, but you'll protect him, right?"

"I will do what I can." Ezekiel's brow furrowed slightly. "But I'm not at full power to be taking on other angels."

"We'll be careful, but this is pretty close to home, so I think we have to take the risk and check it out. Hopefully there's only one." With a decisive clench of his jaw, Dean started the car, pulling out of the parking lot and heading towards the morgue. Than with a curious rise of his eyebrow he turned to his brother-turned-angel sitting like a statue beside him. "So you know this is definitely another angel then?"

"Yes. I feel her presence."

"Well great, where is she?"

"Dean, I really must insist-"

"I know." Rolling his eyes, Dean cut off the protest. "You think it's a bad idea, you said as much. But I'm the boss here and I say we're going to check it out. Now where is she?"

"You're the boss?" The angel's eyes flickered with a totally un-Sam-like expression of rage. "Might I remind you I can walk away at anytime? And I won't hesitate to leave if I feel you're putting me in danger for no reason."

"Okay, geezs. Don't need to get all huffy about it." Dean made a face and mumbled under his breath. "I thought Cas said you were one of the good ones."

"Hm." Ezekiel chuckled in what sounded like amusement, causing the hunter to shiver a bit with unease. "Castiel only went off the information you gave him."

"What the hell is that suppose to mean?" demanded Dean, quickly growing tired of this argument.

He said nothing, only shrugged slightly and Dean really wanted to strangle that smug bastard, expect he was driving and fighting angels in hand to hand combat was completely stupid, so he simply gritted his teeth and drove faster.

"She is close." Ezekiel stated suddenly, his voice neutral once again.

Instinctively, Dean slowed the car, glancing around at the shops lining both sides of the road. "Where?"

Ezekiel pointed to a diner not far ahead of them on the left. It appeared perfectly normal, people were sitting outside eating on the tables and walking in and out of the glass doors laughing. Certainly didn't seem like an angry angel was anywhere in sight. So maybe she had a good reason for killing the couple and was just passing through. Yeah right! But he could hope.

"What should we do?" Dean questioned, pulling into the parking lot and parking in a space further out so he could assess the situation.

"You go speak with her and I'll stay here, my presence will not help your cause."

"Yeah, okay." Stepping out of the impala, Dean went around to the trunk and pulled out an angel blade that he hid in his jacket pocket; in case the whole 'talking' thing didn't go well.

He walked causally towards the door, scanning the surrounding tables for anyone that appeared stuck up and boring, which was what angels all looked like in his mind. Everyone seemed like non-possessed, normal people though, either eating or having a conversation with the person next to them.

Just as he was about to go inside the diner his phone rang.

He grabbed the device from his pocket, noticing with a surge of excitement and concern that it was Cas, and hit the answer button.

"Cas?" He whispered worriedly as he ducked to a quiet corner, it had barely been over three hours since they'd left. He couldn't imagine why Cas was doing anything but sleeping at this point.

"Dean!" the angel rasped urgently, making Dean's heart sink with dread. "Where are you?"

"Um, Stockton." Dean replied in confusion. "What's wrong? This isn't really a good time."

"You need to leave." Cas insisted. "Most of the angels hunting me were... I don't know, not in their right minds."

That caught Dean's interest and he once again scanned the crowd, still nothing as far as he could tell. "What do you mean, Cas?" He whispered.

"I think the fall messed with their heads." The angel replied, a hint of sadness in his voice. "They seemed crazy, intent on killing. Not just me, but anyone that gets in their way. Dean, you're in danger, please-"

"Dean Winchester." Dean spun around, his phone dropping from his hand as he reached for the angel blade in his jacket. A woman, probably mid-thirties, stood behind him, a cool expression on her face. She had long, wavy blonde hair and a slender frame partly covered by a leather jacket and jean shorts.

"You better stay back!" The hunter warned, his eyes narrowing threateningly.

A faint smile flickered over the woman's lips before she waved a hand and Dean suddenly found he couldn't talk. She made a small motion with her fingers, indicating for him to follow her and to his own shock and panic, Dean obeyed without a fight.

"Shh." She held a finger to her pink lips, blue shown in her eyes for a moment and Dean guessed this was the angel he'd been hunting.

He glanced towards the impala but was too far away to see if Sam, Ezekiel, whoever was currently in charge, had stayed there or wandered off. _This is just great._ He thought to himself.

The angel walked him to a side alley, checking to make sure no one was watching, before gesturing slightly with her hand and Dean felt the pressure in his throat vanish.

"What the hell?" He growled, moving to lung forward but she easily stopped him, pinning him against the building's wall with her powers.

"Don't try any funny business. I'm not here for you, but if you become a problem I will have no trouble ending you."

"Why are you here then? To kill people? That's real nice."

"No." She answered calmly, stepping closer. "For, Castiel."

Dean struggled against the invisible force holding him but it was too strong. "Well, sorry to disappoint you, but I have no idea where he is." He ground out.

Smiling sweetly, the angel flicked her wrist and produced his cell phone in her hand. Damn it! She ran the back of her hand down his cheek and Dean shivered with disgust.

"You were talking to him just a moment ago, Winchester." She shoved the device against Dean's chest and he reflectively caught it when she let go. "Now, where is he?"

"I'm not telling you anything."

"Okay, we'll do this the hard way." She grabbed an angel blade from her underneath her jacket and pressed the tip against Dean's right cheek. The hunter hissed slightly as she drug the razor sharp point down his face, leaving a thin trail of blood in its wake. "Know where he is now?"

"No..." Dean managed to grit out as she continued the cut down his neck. The wounds burned and the feeling of warm liquid trickling along his skin made him sick to his stomach. But no way in hell would he tell this crazy angel where Cas was.

 _You know you'd do absolutely anything for them..._

"That's too bad." The angel moved to his side and Dean squirmed, sweat pouring down his back, as he tried to break her hold on him. Having gotten used to treating Cas like one of them he sometimes forgot how powerful these beings actually were. It had been ages since Cas had used any force like this with him, did that fact mean anything? Obviously Cas liked him, but did he ever view their relationship as anything more than good friends?

"I'm going to ask you one more time. Where is Castiel?" The angel's demanding voice snapped Dean out of his musings.

She stabbed the blade into his ribs, creating a shallow, yet painful hole in the soft flesh. Dean groaned slightly, head falling back against the wall behind him.

"I-"

"Hey!" A familiar voice called from somewhere behind the angel. "Leave him alone."

Sam! Dean felt instant relief wish over him just as the angel turned her head with an annoyed look and loosened her grip, allowing him to snatch the angel blade still tucked inside his jacket. Without hesitation he plunged the weapon into the angel's chest.

Blinding light escaped from the angel's mouth and eyes as she let out a blood curdling scream before her vessel's body collapsed limply to the ground.

"Nice timing, Sammy." Dean wiped the blood from his face and put away the weapon.

"What the hell is going on?" Sam asked, glancing between his brother's face and the dead body. "I thought we were going to the morgue, the next thing I know you're following some girl into an alley way while I'm hanging out in the car... sleeping?"

"Well, you, um. You fell asleep, while we were driving, and I figured why wake you up when I just needed to stop for a quick burger." Dean hoped his lied sounded less lame to Sam than it did to his own ears. He nodded at the angel. "She jumped out of nowhere and used some angel mind control crap on me to make me follow her here."

"Really?" Sam looked confused and his voice held an air of disbelief. "I don't even remember driving off from the police station."

"Well that's a little weird, but nothing to worry about." Dean offered as casually as he could muster.

"Yeah." Sam rubbed the back of his neck as if to shake off the unease surrounding the whole situation, then looked back at his brother with a hint of worry. "You okay?"

Dean nodded quickly, brushing off the concern, even though it secretly made his heart all warm and fuzzy knowing Sam was worried about him. "I'm fine, it's just a scratch." He did his best not to limp as he moved, even though he could feel blood soaking his shirt.

As the walked back to the car Dean decided he really needed to go to the nearest bar, drink lots of beer and pick up the first pretty chick he saw, made love to her in every way possible, forget about Cas... and how soft his skin felt, and how beautiful those blue eyes were...

The ring tone on his phone nearly made Dean jump out of his skin, to which Sam couldn't help but chuckle. Scowling, Dean glanced at the screen; speak of the devil...

"Who is it?" questioned Sam, his brow pinching slightly in a frown.

"No one!" Dean quickly hit the silence button and climbed into the car with a huff. He couldn't talk to Cas in front of Sam without raising a million questions. As far as Sam knew, Cas was out doing his own thing, perfectly happy by himself.

"No one? As in _the_ 'no one'." Sam raised an eyebrow, that cocky gleam from earlier returning. Oh dear god!

"Seriously, dude?" Dean glared. "If I hear one more thing about this fictional lover of mine I'm going to beat your ass five ways from Sunday."

"Can I at least have a name?" Sam pressed, not even slightly intimidated by the threat.

"It's, Mine Your Own Business."

Sam rolled his eyes, but to Dean's relief, said nothing as he got in the car. Dean peeled out of the parking lot as soon as the door closed behind him, anxious to get away from everything. Maybe he could just drive until his problems went away.

 _But I can't leave, Cas._ He admitted to himself, gaze turning to his little brother - who was far smarter than his years would suggest - for a brief moment. Somehow he would protect them both if it was the last thing he did. He wasn't going to make Cas face this cruel world alone again.

 _You want to be with them all the time..._


	4. Chapter 4

As much as he wanted to go to the nearest bar and drink himself into a stupor, Dean couldn't ignore the throbbing pain in his side and the fact that the wound was still oozing blood at an alarming rate.

He glanced at Sam, wondering if he should have him drive the rest of the way back to the bunker. But then he would be faced with a whole new set of problems, so maybe they shouldn't go back yet.

"So, what do you say me and you get a room for the night and head back tomorrow?" He ventured hopefully.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "It's only three o'clock." He replied. "And the bunker's barely and hour from here, haven't you had enough of crappy motel rooms to last a lifetime?"

"I know." Dean shrugged. "But we haven't done anything fun in forever. We took care of the threat, might as well enjoy ourselves for one night."

"I guess." Agreed Sam uncertainly. "What do you want to do?"

"Get food for one thing, I'm starving." Dean grunted as the car went over a bump in the road and Sam's eyes widened in the tell tale signs of worry. Instantly knowing what had happened, Dean pulled his jacket tighter, trying to hide his injury from his brother. "Sam, it's not that-"

"You're bleeding, Dean. I thought you said you were fine." Sam sounded angry. "Man, you have to stop lying to me all the time."

If only he knew what was really going on here...

"I didn't lie." Dean sighed, not taking his eyes off the road. "I am fine."

"No, you're not." Sam insisted with annoyance. "Did you ever stop to think that maybe I worry about you too? You're so caught up in protecting me all the time you seem to forget. You're all I have, Dean. You think I want to risk loosing you because you're too stubborn to tell me when you're hurt?"

"Okay, enough with the guilt trip." Dean relented, inwardly grateful that his brother would be fixing him up and he wouldn't have to try and hide his pain any longer. "But it's really not that bad, so when you're done mothering me I say we get some food, and maybe score us a couple chicks." He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively, a grin spreading across his face.

"Dude..." Sam started, then looked down in defeat and shook his head. "You never learn, do you?"

"Where would the fun be in that?"

Dean pulled into the parking lot of the first motel he saw, the place looked run down, the neon lights flickered and buzzed loudly and the bricks around the base of the single story building were starting to crumble. But they'd certainly had worse, and cheap was all they could do right now.

The second the car came to a stop Sam hopped out and went around to the trunk, his brother slowly followed suit. Grabbing a spare shirt he carefully lifted Dean's jacket aside and peeled back the thin, blood soaked t shirt underneath. A soft gasp escaped his lips as he take in the damage.

"What's wrong, you squeamish?" Dean grinned, trying to make light of the matter. For some reason having even his brother mothering him made him feel a bit self conscious. He felt more comfortable being the caregiver than the other way around.

"Will you stop it." Sam gave him a withering look, gingerly pressing the shirt against the wound with a firm hold.

"Ow! Okay, okay!" Dean's voice broke as he pushed Sam's hand away and applied pressure with his own hand instead.

"Sorry." Hovering close like a loyal puppy, Sam bit his lip uncertainly. "You got this?"

"Yep, I'm good." Dean gritted out, hoping to hide how much the damn thing hurt and how dizzy he suddenly felt. How had Cas managed days with an open wound without passing out from the blood loss? He could hardly make it a couple hours without feeling like shit.

Appearing unconvinced, Sam grabbed their bags and the first aid kit, he made sure Dean was behind him before walking towards the main office.

"Wait up!" Dean called to him, moving at a much slower pace, grunting a bit from the pain. Rib injuries sucked, because aside form lying flat on your back until it healed there was really no way to avoid jostling them with every movement.

"Sorry." Sam muttered, stopping to allow Dean to catch up. "You need help?"

"No, no, just need you to slow down." Dean panted, waving his hand dismissively. His brother gave him a worried glance but nodded, reaching out to steady the older Winchester with a firm hold on his shoulder as soon as he was within range.

"Why don't you stay here and I'll go book us a room." Sam suggested.

"Yeah, okay." Dean agreed laboredly, clutching at his side as his knees suddenly buckled under his weight.

"Whoa, easy!" Sam dropped the bags he was carrying and placed his free hand on Dean's chest, gripping the leather jacket tightly in the other. He carefully lowered his brother to the curb and stared into his face intently, hazel eyes cloudy with concern.

"Dean! Are you okay?" he prodded worriedly.

Nodding numbly, Dean gripped Sam's arm for support. "Yeah." He managed, his head swimming with sudden intense nausea. The world seemed to dim around him for a moment and his hand shot out to grab hold of Sam, trying keep from completely toppling over.

"Dean?" Sam's voice sounded muffled, and a million miles away. His frightened face appeared in view and Dean grinned stupidly. The way his brother kept swirling in and out of focus was kind of funny.

"Mmhm?" He mumbled incoherently, his eyes slipping closed of their own accord.

"Dean!" There was obvious panic in Sam's voice now.

Dean tried to answer, but he only managed a small grunt before everything went black.

Cas gripped the edge of the porcelain sink tightly with both hands as he heaved up the remains of the earlier consumed meal. Well mostly it was just this horrible tasting, bright yellow stuff.

Wiping a shaky hand over his mouth, Cas tried not freak out. He didn't really know too much about human problems like this, but he felt fairly certain that puking and feeling like his whole body had jumped ten degrees in temperature wasn't a good thing. It definitely didn't feel good.

Finally feeling the urge to expel his guts pass, Cas slumped to the floor of the bathroom, too weak and shaky to attempt to remain standing. The movement pulled the freshly stitched cut along his ribs and he let out a pained gasp, hand automatically going to the spot in an attempt to ease the discomfort.

A tear of misery slid down his cheek. Cas felt just as scared and alone here as he had being out in the world all alone, he couldn't run from the fact that he had no idea how to take care of himself, didn't know what he was supposed to do as a human. After weeks of watching over his back every second, being hunted like a dog, his nerves were so shot he feared he'd never be able to truly relax again. And now he had the added concern that the brothers were most likely in danger, and he couldn't do a thing about it.

He'd been so relieved when Dean and Sam had found him the first time. He figured they would teach him everything he needed to know, and more or less take care of him in the meanwhile. He'd felt safe, and almost happy, for the first time since he'd lost his grace and had truly thought everything would be okay.

Yet when Dean had told him he couldn't stay, Cas had left without a fight. He knew he didn't deserve their friendship or help and had no right to argue. But he'd expected them to welcome him into their home, and the rejection had hurt, a lot.

Cas blinked back the unpleasant thoughts and curled up between the sink and bathtub, hiding his eyes from the suddenly blinding light overhead with his crossed arms.

Maybe he should call Dean and get some advice... Cas shook his aching head slightly. He'd already tried calling the hunter back and he hadn't picked up, he obviously didn't want to be bothered by his useless angel friend.

Plus, he'd lied. He'd been attacked and wounded by that crazy angel only mere hours before he'd found his way back to the bunker; not two days. But somehow acting all macho and lying had lessened the humiliation he felt at being so helpless. Because tough guys didn't let a couple scratches slow them down, right?

But apparently Cas wasn't very tough, because his side had hurt really bad from the moment he'd gotten the injury, and he felt so exhausted and sick. Well, to be honest he'd felt pretty exhausted before that, but he was pretty sure that had something to do with not eating enough.

Worse still he couldn't shake the burning desire to be held and comforted. So when Dean had been offering he'd greedily accepted it; and oh! Had it felt wonderful. The way Dean had rubbed his back, and gently caressed his hair, and cuddled him close against his warm, comforting body... Except Dean had started acting really weird and now Cas wished he the strength to leave and never return.

And Dean had called him gay! Like that was some horrible disease, or he was the biggest baby Dean had ever seen. Cas felt very upset and angry and sad all at the same, and he wasn't used to all these emotions and the way they were all consuming.

He couldn't understand why Dean had been acting that way, and more importantly; why it suddenly had such a profound impact on his emotional well being. It wasn't the first time one of them had acted like an ass. Yet as an angel he'd barely acknowledged the behavior, let alone allowed it to effect him on a personal level.

Cas' rapid breathing turned more erratic as he fought back more tears, his shoulders trembled with the effort and he made a weak go at standing up. It really didn't matter now, did it? No one else was hear to witness how pitiful he was. And at least he'd been able to halfway hold it together when Dean had been there.

Whining under his breath, Cas grabbed a towel and wrapped it tightly around his suddenly freezing body as involuntarily shivers coursed through him. Yeah. Something was definitely wrong...

The first thing Dean became aware of was a hand lightly resting in his. _That's nice._ He thought, smiling at the comforting warmth. He squeezed a bit and instantly heard shuffling to the right of him. The smell of disinfectant insulted his nostrils as he tried to turn his head towards the noise. That was never a good sign, and usually meant... Why did he eyes seemed held shut by lead weights?

"Dean?" A soft voice questioned hopefully.

Well, Dean knew that voice anywhere and immediately relaxed a bit.

He tried to open his mouth and assure Sam he was fine, but his throat was so dry he couldn't get anything out and ended up just coughing.

"Hey! Shh, it's okay. I'm here, I got you." Sam muttered, his grip on Dean's hand tightened considerably.

"Where...?" Dean finally croaked out, his voice barely a raspy whisper. He still couldn't make his eyelids work and started to feel a bit panicked.

"You passed out. You're at the hospital now." Sam explained, moving his hand to his brother's shoulder. "Turns out that blade was poisoned."

Poisoned? Well that was a new all time low for an angel. Turns out Cas hadn't been joking around about the whole messed up in the head thing.

Finally getting his eyes to open Dean turned his hazy gaze to look at Sam's pinched face. He still had the same clothes on but his expression held an air of exhaustion gained by sitting on an uncomfortable chair by someone's bedside for hours. Giving the best pleading look he could muster, he hoped Sam would figure out his unspoken question because the horrible cotton mouth made it damn near impossible to talk.

"It's been about six hours." Sam said after a moment, running a hand through his messy hair. "You really scared me." He finished softly, averting his gaze to the floor.

 _Yeah! Well now you know how I felt when you were dying!_ Dean wanted to say, but doubted he'd be able to get it all out.

"The doctors want to keep you over night, just to be safe." Sam continued, studying Dean's face for a reaction. Dean hated hospitals, but right now he couldn't muster up more than a slight nod of understanding.

"Sure..." He stared intently into Sam's face. "Sure... would be nice..." He coughed hoarsely and Sam helped him into a sitting position before handing him a glass of water that he gratefully sipped down, relishing the relief it gave his sore throat.

"Sure would be nice if..." Dean handed the glass back to Sam, once again holding his brother's gaze with an intense glare. "If we had an angel to heal me right now."

Sam fidgeted nervously. "Like, Cas?" He supplied in confusion.

Sighing in disappointment, Dean relaxed his death stare, the mention of Cas suddenly making him feel giddy and sad at the same time. "Yeah, sure." He said sheepishly. "Like, Cas."

"Do you need anything?" Sam asked, probably trying to steer the the conversation away from the awkward type.

"How about a burger?" Dean asked wishfully, glancing around at the nightstand and monitors that was the only decor in the small room. "And maybe my phone."

"Sure." Sam agreed, he left and returned a few minutes later with Dean's phone which he set on the stand next to the bed.

Dean glanced at it nervously, resisting the urge to grab it and call Cas. He really wanted to hear the angel's gravely voice but he couldn't let Sam know, for more than one reason.

"Thanks, Sammy." He smiled. "So how about that burger."

Sam rolled his eyes, some of the worry lifting from his face. "Seriously? Don't you think you should eat something easier on your stomach?"

Giving his brother a withering look, Dean quickly added. "And don't forget the extra onions and fries."

"Yeah, yeah." Sam waved his hand in exasperation as he headed towards the door.

"And, Sammy?"

"Hmm?"

"Pie!"

Shaking his head, Sam left without saying a word.

Dean stared after him for several moments before snatching his phone off the nightstand with shaky fingers. This was just a simple phone call to a friend to tell him he was okay and stop worrying. So why did he have butterflies in his chest? And why did the mere thought of that dark haired angel make his pulse pound loudly in his ears?

 _Cas is a guy!_ He reminded himself harshly. But the more he thought about it the more that was starting to sound like nothing more than an excuse...


	5. Chapter 5

Dean glared with annoyance at the IV drip stuck in his right forearm while he tried to work up the nerve to call Cas. He really hated those needles and had half a mind to pull it out, but he still felt pretty groggy so decided against it. Maybe whatever the liquid was would help him feel more alive.

Probably a good amount of pain killers in there too. Dean gingerly felt the stab wound that had been bandaged while he was out. It didn't hurt a bit, yeah definitely pain killers.

The first time Dean called Cas it went to voicemail. No big deal, right? There were many reasons people didn't pick up their phones. Though Dean couldn't help but worry and by his third unsuccessful try to get ahold of his friend he was truly freaking out.

Setting his phone down he briefly thought about calling Sam, but what would he tell him? He couldn't endanger his brother, not even for Cas.

The sound of his phone ringing a moment later nearly made Dean jump out of his skin. Huffing crossly at his own nerves, he grabbed the phone and felt his heart pounding with relief when he realized who it was.

"Cas?"

"Dean..." Cas' voice was even raspier than normal.

"I ran into one of your angel buddies, she was looking for you." Dean told him, keeping his voice low so someone didn't hear him and decide he needed a one way trip to the psychiatric ward. "But I took care of it, hopefully she was the only one. Me and Sam are gonna hang here for the night and head back in the morning. How you holding up?"

"I told you..." Cas trailed off, breathing heavily into the phone. Dean frowned, it wasn't like he hadn't believed him. So what was with the shit talk?

"You should return to the bunker." something about Cas' voice sounded off and the hopeful edge his tone held made the statement seem more like, a request?

"You okay, buddy?" Dean asked worriedly, suddenly the fact that he'd nearly been killed by a crazy angel didn't seem all that important.

"I don't know." Cas said at last, he definitely sounded out of breath and his voice was strained. "I feel horrible."

Dean felt adrenaline shoot through his veins, he had the strong desire to leave right now and get back to the bunker, to Cas. He needed him. But he couldn't without being released and Sam had the car.

"Horrible, how?"

Maybe Cas was just exaggerating. Being human could be overwhelming even for someone who had been human their whole life.

"I can't stop puking." Cas replied after a minute, his voice barely a whisper, like he didn't want to admit he had anything wrong. "And... everything hurts."

The sinking feeling in Dean's chest vanished, leaving in its wake the shakiness of relief as he heaved a sigh. "Sounds like you have the flu, Cas." he said with a small smile at how clueless the former angel could be. "I know you feel like you're dying, but you'll be fine, just drink lots of water once you stop throwing up and rest."

"Okay..." Cas whispered hoarsely after a long pause. "How - how long does this flu last?" he coughed weakly.

"Few days."

"Does seeing two of everything also last that long?"

And just like that fear gripped Dean's chest, squeezing the air from his lungs. Making him feel like the world was caving in. "What? You're seeing double?" he asked slowly, praying he'd heard wrong. He sat up as straight as he could, fighting the covers keeping him hostage.

"Yes, and it's giving me a really bad headache." Cas groaned. "Dean... I'm so tired... I... I need to go..."

"No! Wait, Cas!" Dean clutched the phone tightly as if that would somehow physically prevent the angel from hanging up. "You might have something worse going on then I thought. Is there anything else you can think of?"

"Pain..." Cas grunted. "Loneliness... sorrow... take your pick."

Dean frowned with confusion, staring at the phone before shaking his head. Cas was acting really weird, and the panic quickly rising in his chest made his voice break when he asked. "What?"

"I need to... I want..." Cas sighed heavily. "... you... help."

"You... you want my help?" Dean whispered softly, not sure why that thought made him feel all warm and fuzzy inside. He held his breath, suddenly the former angel's reply seemed to hold some unspoken meaning.

"Yes..." admitted Cas slowly, like he was having trouble getting his words out. "Dean... I'm..."

There was a muffled thud on the other end of the phone.

"Cas? Cas!" Dean yelled, feeling the pressure in his chest tighten. All he could hear was labored, uneven breathing. "Hang on, man. I'll be there soon. Your hear me? You're going to be okay."

Because he had to be okay. Dean wasn't even sure he believed his own words, but he couldn't lose Cas, he'd already lost so many people he cared about, Sam and Cas were the only ones he had left.

"Cas? Damn it!"

Still no answer.

"Shit!" he muttered before letting the phone drop from his suddenly numb hand. He had to get out of here and back to the bunker.

Trying to contain the worry bubbling up within him, Dean dialed Sam's number with shaky fingers. Cas was in trouble, he needed them, now!

"Sam!" Dean breathed with relief when his brother answered the phone.

"Dean? What's wrong?" Sam asked, worry clouding his normally gentle voice.

"I need you to get me out of here." Dean whispered so not to be heard by any of the hospital staff.

Sam sighed, he'd heard this before, but Dean was just going to have to suck it up. One night wouldn't kill him. "Dean, I know you hate hospitals, but you almost died. I think you can handle one night being taken care of. A couple of the nurses are actually pretty hot."

Any other time Dean would have jumped on the opportunity to flirt with young, hot nurses, but right now he couldn't stop thinking about Cas, sick, alone, unconscious on the cold, hard bunker floor. And obviously, Cas would be more important than getting laid one time because they were good friends... nothing more!

"This isn't about that, Sammy..."

Sam must have noticed the desperate plead in Dean's voice because he paused for a moment before sighing softly. "What is it then? You've been acting weird all day and I'm starting to worry. Do I need to bust out the holy water?" he laughed slightly at the joke but both knew the comment held an air of truth, it wasn't ridiculous in the least for either of them to think their brother had become possessed. Sad really.

"I can't tell you what's going on right now." Dean replied carefully, knowing he was treading on thin ice. "But trust me when I say it's important."

"Dean." Sam sighed heavily, sounding tired. "I thought we agreed, no more secrets. When do those ever end well for us?"

"I know." Dean rubbed his throbbing temple with his free hand. He hated lying to Sam really, it wasn't like he took pleasure in sneaking around and telling half truths, but this time he had no choice. Sam's life depended on it, and now Cas' might too.

"I promise I'll tell you everything soon, okay?" Dean cringed, even that wasn't true. He didn't plan on telling Sam he'd allowed an angel to possess him. It would only destroy the small amount of trust left between them, and that wouldn't serve any useful purpose.

"What is this terribly important thing that can't wait until tomorrow?" questioned Sam resignedly.

"The bunker."

Dean could damn near hear Sam's master eye roll through the phone as soon as the words left his mouth.

"Really, Dean? The bunker?" the young Winchester said, irritation creeping into his voice. "What could possibly be so important back at the bunker? Your whiskey stash?"

Narrowing his eyes, Dean glared at the boring white sheet separating him from the patient next to him. Sam was starting to get on his nerves. They didn't have time for this right now. "Oh, I don't know, maybe a room that's not reeking of death." he grumbled darkly.

"I'm not breaking you out just because you don't like the scenery, Dean."

"Damn it, Sammy! I told you, I can't tell you what's going on, but people's lives are at stack here." Dean finally snapped, his concern for Cas clouding out his rational thinking. Desperation starting eating at him, maybe he should tell Sam the truth...

No! This was getting out of hand. How could he even be contemplating risking Sam's safety, even for Cas? Could this be the love thing his brother had been talking about? Being willing to do anything for the other person? But Sam had failed to mention turning into a complete idiot as one of the 'symptoms'. But then come to think of it, he loved Sam and that's exactly what he kept doing for him; stupid, idiotic things all to keep him safe.

"Who's lives, Dean?" Sam asked in exasperation. "Come on! I'm not buying it this time. What's really going on?"

"Please, Sammy." Dean squeezed his eyes shut, silently pleading with a God he barely believed in anymore that his brother would somehow go along with his crazy idea. "If you just get me out of here I'll explain everything."

"Okay."

"Sam, look... what?"

"I said, okay." Sam said with a soft sigh. "I'll get you out and we'll go back to the bunker. Just hang tight and don't do anything stupid until I get there."

Some of the pressure lifted from Dean's chest and he suddenly felt like he was gasping for air. He didn't much like the wave of dizziness that overcome him for a second but he was too relieved to care.

"Thanks, Sammy." he said sincerely.

"Just don't make me regret it, okay?"

Neither one of them knew just how much they'd both come to regret their actions that day.

By the time Sam made it back to the hospital some twenty minutes later, Dean had nearly worked himself into a sweat with stress and worry. He'd tried calling Cas back a couple times but not surprisingly the ex-angel hadn't answered.

Sam had taken one look at him and tried to talk him out of leaving, much to Dean's quickly mounting anger. Why did his brother have such a bug up his butt today?

"Oh my god, Sam!" Dean hissed at him. Sam paced the tiny room, appearing way too uncertain and like he wanted so bad to change his mind and refuse to help. "Get me the hell out of here before I shoot myself!"

Time was of the essence here! They didn't have the luxury of talking through everything like a couple of teenage girls.

"Right, okay." Sam spun around to face him with his jaw set in determination. "I'll be back in ten."

With that Sam left, leaving Dean alone with his thoughts once more. He felt numb, like all this stuff was happening to someone else. Maybe it was the meds they'd surely given him while he'd been unconscious, or the fact that he'd seriously backed himself into a corner and now the only way out was to turn and fight the the snarling rabid dog ready to bite his face off.

Dean took a deep breath to keep from hyperventilating. One problem at a time. Once they got back to the bunker he'd figure out a way to keep Sam busy while he figured out what was wrong with Cas. That place was huge, how hard could keeping two people apart be?

"So you're brother insists he'll take good care of you." Dean looked up and stared uninterestedly at the pretty blonde, who appeared around thirty, with long hair and a slender frame. This must have been one of the hot ones Sam had mentioned earlier. He hadn't realized she and Sam had walked in he'd been so lost in thought.

"Yes." he smiled at Sam who stood behind her, Dean's clothes draped over one arm, and looked like he was holding back the king of all bitch faces. "My brother is the best there is at mothering and all things feminine really."

The blonde nurse raised her eyebrows at that and Sam clenched his jaw, shaking his head ever so slightly. Dean needed his ass kicked!

"Well, if you have any problems don't hesitate to give me a call or some back in, you hear?" she continued on with the the usual speech nurses were required to give when discharging patients.

"Of course." Dean winked at her, unable to resist the chance to flirt. Though his heart wasn't really in it.

She sighed. "That's not what I mean." she replied flatly, pulling the IV needle from Dean's arm. The older Winchester shrugged, only mildly concerned that her rejection didn't bother him in the least. "I mean if you have any farther medical problems." she turned to a surprised Sam and jabbed her finger in his face. "You make sure he takes it easy, and no greasy food for a couple days."

"Well she was a real peach." Dean said as soon as she left the room, her ass swaying purposefully as she left.

"Maybe you're not feminine enough for her." Sam replied smugly, not missing a beat, as he threw the clothes at InDean's lap.

"You shut your face!" Dean swung his legs over the side of the bed... and collapsed with a surprised grunt the second his feet touched the floor.

"Dean!" Sam rushed to his side quicker than he could blink. "Are you okay?"

"I'm fine." Dean grumbled sourly, shaking his head in an attempt to banish the dizziness that still had the room swimming around him. "Just help me off this damn floor, will ya?"

Grinning in spite of himself, Sam grabbed Dean's arm and hauled him easily to his feet. Patting him lightly on the shoulder, Sam kept a hand on his brother until he was sure Dean wasn't going to topple over again.

"You good?" the taller man had to bend down a bit to meet Dean's gaze. Dean scowled, resisting the urge to push his brother off him, mostly because he wasn't sure if he'd be able to keep standing without the support.

"I've been better." muttered Dean at last, he brushed himself off and walked towards the door, only swaying a couple times. His legs felt like jello but he did his best to hit it, not wanting to give Sam any reason to bitch.

"Did you get my burger and pie?"

"Dean, the nurse said..." Dean gave him a withering look. "Yeah." Sam sighed, clearly too tired to argue, plus knowing from experience he was fighting a loosing battle anyway. "They're in the car."

Rising an eyebrow curiously, Sam bit his lip like he was trying to hold back a laugh. "Do you need help getting your, um, clothes on?"

"Oh my god! No!" Dean managed to shove him with his shoulder. "Just get out of here!"

Snorting softly Sam left to give Dean some privacy. Dean rolled his eyes as he quickly scrambled into his jeans and shirt. Damn little brothers were a pain in the rear!

Once he had himself settled in the passenger seat of the impala, Dean felt much better. The driver seat would have been optimal obviously, but even he knew driving would be stupid right after having passed out from being poisoned.

They rode in silence the first several minutes, Dean taking the opportunity to devour the burger and pie while Sam drove them back towards the bunker. He kept waiting for Sam to demand an explanation but he remained quiet, seemingly lost in his own deep, nerdy thoughts.

Every mile closer they got the more anxious Dean became. He was seriously putting his brother's safety at risk here. But he couldn't just abandon Cas, he was their friend, and he knew Sam would also want to help him too if he knew about the situation.

By the time they finally pulled up to the bunker the sun had set and darkness surrounded them, the only light coming from the stars twinkling overhead. And more importantly the lovely pain killers were starting to wear off and Dean had become all too aware of the injury he'd gotten earlier that day.

Without releasing the steering wheel, Sam turned to Dean expectantly. "Well, here we are."

Shit...

"Yep." Dean laughed nervously, trying to keep his hands from shaking as he gripped the car's door handle. His heart beating so hard in his ears he couldn't believe Sam didn't notice. "Here we are..."

"So are you going to tell me what's going on?"

"I can't, Sam." Dean said softly. "It's not safe, I need you to stay here until I come back, I shouldn't be that long."

"What?" Sam shook his head in utter confusion. "I'm not letting you go in there alone if it's not safe... How do you even know what's happening in there?

"It's safe for me, okay?" Dean gripped Sam's arm. "You're just going to have to trust me, please, man. I've been looking out for you my whole life, and that's what I'm doing now. I'll be fine, I won't be in danger as long as you just stay here."

"So you think I'm not looking out for you?" Sam asked, a hint of anger creeping into his voice. Dean was being crazy and Sam wasn't at all sure he shouldn't be heading for the holy water or bleach, something!

"Of course you do. But right now I'm begging you, trust me." pleaded Dean, looking away. He felt helpless, realizing how little control he had right now. The feeling it not sit well in his stomach.

"Ten minutes." Sam finally relented. "If you're not out in ten minutes, I'm coming in."

"Fine." Dean agreed instantly, knowing every second they wasted could mean the difference between life and death.

Without giving Sam a chance to change his mind Dean was through the door running down the stairs three at a time, grunting as sharp pain lanced through his ribs with each step. He quickly scanned the empty common area before heading for his bedroom where he'd left Cas that morning.

The hallway lights were still on but his bedroom was dark and quiet. Fear clutched at his chest as Dean reached tentatively for the switch by the half open door.

He flicked the switch and just barely managed to hold back a gasp when his gaze rested on the crumpled form of his friend laying on the floor.

"Cas!" Dean cried, rushing to the former angel's side, pressing shaky fingers to his neck to check for a pulse. He let out a relieved huff when he felt the rapid yet steady beat beneath his finger tips.

"Cas!" Dean tried again, grabbing his shoulder and lightly shaking him. Cas didn't respond, only continued to breathe laboredly. "Cas... Wake up!" Dean's voice broke as he tried to swallow back the emotions threatening to overwhelm him. If Cas died again there'd be no bringing him back this time, and Dean wasn't sure he could live with that.

Carefully, Dean pulled Cas' limp body into his lap, brushing back the damp hair from his face before tucking Cas' head under his chin. Not caring in the least this time that he was full on cuddling a man, Dean wrapped both arms tightly around his friend. Heat poured off the other man's body like a furnace and Dean could feel how wet Cas' hair and face was with sweat against his neck. He certainly had one hell of a fever. That couldn't be good.

The familiar panic and helplessness he often felt whenever Sam was hurt or sick started to bubble up in Dean's chest. He rocked slowly back and forth, listening to the sound of Cas' raspy breathing like it was a lifeline.

"Come on, Cas. You have to be okay." Dean muttered sadly as he rubbed Cas' back gently. Cas whimpered slightly, his hand clawing weakly at the worn leather jacket Dean had on. A shiver jolted through Dean at the contact. He might have actually enjoyed this if Cas wasn't freaking dying!

"Shh." Dean soothed automatically, running his fingers tenderly down Cas' cheek. Squeezing his eyes shut against the sudden surge of emotion, he buried his face in the dark hair, inhaling Cas' scent. It smelled good, like flower shampoo and fresh rain. "I got you..." Dean murmured. "You're going to be okay. I gotcha."

With a bit of effort and some cursing under his breath, Dean managed to pick Cas up and lay him on his bed. Once he had that accomplished Dean carefully unwrapped the bandages around Cas' middle to check for infection.

The area around the wound felt warm to the touch but so did the rest of Cas, and he couldn't smell any foul odor or see any other signs of anything being wrong.

"Man, Cas. What's wrong with you?" Dean questioned out loud. Well he knew one thing; he had to get Cas' fever down or that would kill him for sure.

Reluctantly leaving Cas panting unconsciously on the bed, Dean headed for the bathroom, grabbing a bucket and washcloth on his way. He filled the bucket with cold water and some ice from the freezer and was soon sitting by Cas' side, pressing the cold cloth to his forehead.

Cas hissed a bit and tried to jerk away but Dean held him firmly and he didn't fight for long. Using the washcloth in one arm to apply the cold water to Cas' forehead and neck, Dean gripped the former angel's left hand tightly in his.

"Don't give up on me, buddy."

"Dean?" Sam's uncertain voice behind him nearly made him jump out of his skin.

Leaping to his feet, Dean spun around and grinned sheepishly at his brother. "Look, I can explain." he held up his hands, walking slowly towards his brother as if he were a frightened animal. Any minute Ezekiel could take over and who knows what he would do. But the angel either wasn't paying attention or chose to do nothing. Because all he could see was Sam's soft hazel eyes darting between him and Cas with a look of concern and confusion plastered on his face.

"Explain what? Is that, Cas?" Sam moved a bit closer and Dean stepped protectively between his bother and Cas, hand instinctively reaching for the pistol on his belt.

"Dean, what's gotten into you?" Sam crossed his arms, his brow furrowing in an I'm-not-amused expression. A quick eyebrow raise was the only acknowledgement Sam gave to Dean's hand still white knuckling his pistol. "Really, Dean?" Dean released the gun. "Is this your big secret? You and Cas are, are together? Or something?"

What? Wait... Dean's eyes widened and he scanned the room, collecting his thoughts before nodding slightly. "Um... yes?" he said slowly, almost as if he was testing the waters to that notion.

"And that's it?" Sam sounded hopeful.

"Yep." replied Dean more decisively, releasing the breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding. "That's it, me and Cas are... um, yeah... so, now the mystery's solved."

The younger Winchester huffed with mild annoyance, his tense stance relaxing. "Why didn't you just tell me? What did you think I was going to do? I mean, I am a little surprised but..." Sam shrugged casually. "Cas is a lot better than a lot of those girls you're always hooking up with."

"Right." Dean agreed weakly, the weight of his lie finally sinking in. This whole thing was getting really out of hand. He glanced nervously at the man behind him. "Sam, as much as I'd love to sit here and talk about my private life with you, I think Cas needs a doctor." he let some of his fear slip into his voice, the mere thought of losing Cas engulfed him with despair.

All teasing and playfulness left Sam's features. "What? Why? What's what's wrong with him?" the younger hunter moved to the bedside, taking in the situation in his usual calm but observant manner. It took everything in Dean to stay put and not physically block his brother from getting anywhere near Cas.

Of course he trusted Sam, but Ezekiel had warned him about having Cas around and he didn't know the angel well enough to be sure he wouldn't try something.

"He's burning up, Dean." Sam had his hand gently rested on Cas' forehead and he turned concerned eyes to Dean. "We better hurry."

* * *

 _Sorry for the long wait guys, I had a hard time with this chapter. Drop me a line if you want :)_


	6. Chapter 6

A hand resting on his shoulder snapped Dean awake with a start. He glanced frantically around the small room, his head spinning, before remembering they were at the hospital, had been for hours. The clock on the wall said 5:30am. A pool of saliva wetted the sheets where his head had been moments before and Dean wiggled his nose in disgust. How long has he been passed out? He couldn't remember.

Everything since finding Cas passed out in his room was kind of a blur. Sam had done most of the work getting Cas up the stairs and into the impala as he'd had his own wound to worry about. The younger Winchester had been strangely quiet during the drive to the hospital and Dean found himself waiting for the moment his brother turned into Ezekiel. But he hadn't. And that only made Dean more uneasy. Something wasn't right.

The doctors had rushed Cas off the second they'd gotten to the hospital, leaving Sam and Dean to pace the waiting room and answer a million questions. There hadn't been much Dean could tell them really, expect that he'd been complaining about seeing double and had passed out after that. Well and that he'd gotten stabbed by a knife a couple days ago. Of course he left out the whole angel part of the scenario.

Several hours later a lady doctor dressed in the normal scrubs had come to tell them it appeared Cas have a foreign substance in his blood, messing with his nervous system, they'd managed to get him stabilized but they'd been unable to figure out just how to counteract it yet. She'd then said they could go see him but at this point shouldn't get their hopes up.

And right there Dean felt his heart sink, anger swell in his chest like a balloon. And he'd lost it. Yelling at her to do her damn job and making threats he didn't even understand until Sam had finally calmed him down. Pulling him into his solid embrace and insisting that Cas would be just fine. And he needed to calm down or they would get kicked out.

That had finally knocked a bit of sense into him.

Every step he'd took down that hallway had felt like hell all over again. There was an unbearable pain in his chest yet at the same time he felt numb, like none of this was real.

Dean had tried to act casual, hanging out at an acceptable distance for the bed, though if he was being completely honest he'd wanted so bad to wrap his arms around Cas and kiss him and tell him just how much he meant to him. Because now he might never be able to do any of those things and it was all his fault.

He'd finally broke down and cried, not messy and loud like Sam, but the way he always did. Silent tears and heart felt promises and regret mumbled under his breath as he wiped his wet face multiple times to hid the evidence of his emotional weakness.

Sam has stayed for a bit to comfort him than excused himself to allow Dean some privacy.

He didn't know how long he'd sat there, arms on the bed, pleading with Cas to get better, to stay, for him. Because they were family, and maybe they could even be more. All the while doctors and nurses rushed about, working around him like he wasn't even there.

At some point he'd passed out from pure exhaustion.

Dean turned blurry eyes to the tall man standing next to him, hand still rested lightly on his shoulder. "Sam." he croaked out, rubbing the sleep from his face with his sleeve.

"I brought you coffee, dark and nasty, just the way you like it." Sam set the styrofoam cup down on the small night stand next to the bed and slumped into the empty chair beside Dean. He looked as tired and worn out as Dean felt.

"Thanks, Sammy." he muttered, too groggy to come up with a snappy retort. Grabbing the coffee, Dean sipped on the hot liquid, smiling a bit as he did so. Cas' hand sure felt good in his, nice and warm and... Dean jerked his hand back self consciously, glancing sadly at Sam as if his little brother could somehow fix this. Sam sighed softly.

"He's going to pull through, Dean. He always does."

Yeah, sure, when he'd been an angel. But now Cas was human and vulnerable, mortal; just like them.

Dean rubbed the back of his neck as he tried to straighten in the uncomfortable chair, everything ached from laying in such an awkward angle for hours.

"It's just... I can't loose him again." Dean finally replied.

Sam nodded in understanding, then it suddenly occurred to him... Dean and Cas... were _together_... Dean had been talking about being in love. And how this one was different, well Cas certainly qualified as different. Dean's eyes widened when he caught the gleam for realization in his little brother hazel eyes. _Please don't say it..._

"It's Cas!" he announced proudly, making Dean start in surprise at the force of his voice. "Cas is the 'no one' you were getting all worked up about yesterday. Oh my god, Dean. You love him?" Sam paused. "You're _in_ love with him?"

Oh dear lord!

Hell no! Dean wanted to insist, but the words died on his lips. Faced with actually loosing Cas, again, made him less certain about a lot of things he'd once taken for granted. Still though, no! Right? Well... maybe...

Feeling his cheeks flush, Dean glanced quickly at Cas who was still out cold, his chest causing the sheets to rise and fall steady as he breathed. The color of his skin had improved a little - that was a good sigh right? - and the way his dark tousled hair was in his face and sprawled out on the pillow beneath his head made Dean feel things he couldn't quite explain.

"We're not..." he swallowed, not sure what to say. "Me and him aren't... it's not serious, we were just messing around mostly. Look, Sam. He might not even make it. You heard what the doctor said..." Dean clenched his first angrily.

"He'll make it." Sam said firmly, looked thoughtful for a moment before nodding slowly. "And if you two ever do want to become serious, that would be totally cool with me. You know that, right?"

"Please, Sam." Dean snorted. "Like I need your permission to date someone."

Utterly ridiculous! He didn't care what Sam thought about him and Cas, because there was no him and Cas...

Yet as Sam patted his shoulder and got up, saying something about going to get food - if you could call half of what Sam eat 'food' - Dean couldn't deny he felt a huge burden lift from him. Maybe they could be a happy family, together.

With a quick shake of his head Dean dismissed the idea. Sadly their line of work didn't leave room for things like family, or normalcy or even happiness most of the time.

Something soft and warm brushed over his knuckles. "D-Dean?"

His heart leaping, Dean instantly placed a hand on Cas' stomach to sooth him without even realizing what he was doing. "Yeah, I'm here, it's okay."

Cas peered at him with blue eyes half covered with lids heavy from an over abundance of meds. Those eyes were so beautiful, even dull and glazed over as they were. It was like he was staring at the night sky, full of sparkling stars. Unable to control himself, longing to do something, Dean gripped Cas' hand and gave an encouraging squeeze.

Words couldn't describe all the emotions churning in his stomach. Cas was alive! And awake!

He probably should call one of the nurses in but he really wanted a moment alone with Cas.

"How ya feelin', buddy?"

"Tired." Cas whispered hoarsely, he lightly squeezed Dean's hand back. A flutter in his chest made Dean inhale sharply. Why did that little gesture send shivers down his back?

"Where are we?" Cas slowly surveyed the room, trying half heartedly to sit up.

"Take it easy." Dean moved his hand to Cas' shoulder and gently held him down. "You're in the hospital. You almost died."

"Why are you here?" Cas asked softly, sighing as he sagged back against the mattress.

The question hurt, causing guilt to rise and swallow him whole all over again. Perhaps he'd never be able to regain what they'd had. Cas no longer trusted him and he couldn't blame him one bit.

"Because you're family, Cas." Dean turned away in shame. He hadn't been treating the former angel like family at all lately.

"Cas, I'm so sorry for making you leave the bunker." Dean blurted, trying to ease his guilty mind yes, but underneath that was the deeper yearning to tell Cas just how much he meant to him. How just seeing him smile made Dean's heart soar like nothing else could. And that he wanted Cas to stay, with them, with _him_. "I want you to know I care about you, and I didn't want to kick you out. Shit happened, and I freaked out. But it had nothing to do with you."

Cas didn't answer but Dean felt him shift on the bed and fingers rake loosely through his hair. And somehow he knew, that gesture, small as it may be, was Cas' way of letting him know everything was forgiven.

His eyes darting up to meet Cas' steady gaze, Dean ran his hand down Cas' clothed arm, feeling the muscles tense as Cas' inhaled a sharp breath. Pausing for a moment, Dean gave him a questioning look, his hand twitched with nerves. Yet he didn't dare move, didn't dare breathe.

The ex angel chewed on his bottom lip, making a little noise of something in the back of his throat, blue eyes studying every square inch of Dean's face. Finally he sighed, relaxing as he let his eyelids flutter shut.

Dean released a shaky breath of his own, letting some of his concern go with it. He let his hand wander down Cas' side tenderly, surprised by how comforting it felt just to touch someone, without trying to get in their pants. Not that he would be complaining if things did go that route... Cas arched his back slightly when Dean let his hand caress the inside of his thigh. Dean swallowed hard. It would so easy to move his hand over and rub him between his legs, and he had a blanket covering him so that wouldn't even really be touching him, right?

But he didn't, and the fact that Cas was a man didn't even cross his mind in that moment. No, all he could think about was if Cas' rejected his affectations he'd never be able to handle it.

"Thank you." murmured Cas after a moment.

"For what?" Dean asked in surprise, his hand slipping reluctantly to the bed.

"For coming back."

Tears threatened to spill from Dean's eyes once more and he quickly blinked them away. "Yeah, well. Someone's got to take care of your dumb ass."

Cas opened his mouth to answer but just then one of the monitors by the bed started beeping and before Dean could process this new threat half a dozen people in scrubs were surrounding them, shoving Dean out of the way.

One of the male nurses jabbed a needle into Cas' arm, making him flinch. Anger flared in Dean's gut. There was no need to be rough. They weren't in god damn prison here.

"What's going on?" Dean demanded worriedly as he was pushed back.

"Sir, we're going to need you to leave the room." a woman who appeared in her forties with short brown hair said firmly.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked again.

"Sir, please."

"Dean..." Cas' eyes widened in fear as they locked with Dean's, he struggled to get up but the male nurse held him down, saying something the hunter couldn't quite hear.

Dean's chest clenched painfully, he hated to see Cas scared and he yearned to comfort him but he was being manhandled towards the door.

"Dean!" Cas all but cried his name, panic evident in his raspy voice. "Don't leave!" Dean felt his heart shatter into tiny little pieces, the words piercing through him like a knife, but he managed to remain calm on the outside, for Cas' sake. I'm not leaving.

"It's okay, Cas." Dean fought against the hands firmly escorting him to the exit. He had to at least try to convey to Cas that he wasn't going to abandon him this time. "I'll be right outside. Everything is fine."

The last thing he saw was Cas' frightened face, blue eyes frantically trying to keep Dean in their sight, before the door slammed shut in his face.

Dean pressed his forehead against the door, pounding his fist weakly on the door, his eyes squeezed shut against a sea of emotions threading to unravel from deep within as he mumbled; whispered really. "Damn it, Castiel... I love you."

"Don't leave me..." Cas tried to yell as the door was abruptly closed, yet he couldn't get the words out as much more than a choked whisper. All he wanted in this moment was Dean, next to him, preferably touching him. He'd like that, a lot, it had felt comforting, safe, good; really good. Now all Cas felt was lost as he glanced fearfully at the people standing way too close for comfort.

He didn't understand what was happening, strangers were on all sides of him, prodding him, asking questions, telling him it would be okay. He couldn't talk around pressure in his chest, his heart was beating much too fast. At least that's what he thought, he'd barely gotten used to the feeling of having a heartbeat to begin with. Sweat poured down his face and neck, though he shivered with cold at the same time. Being human was overwhelming, scary, and he wished Dean were here to answer his dumb questions.

One of the ladies grabbed his shaking hand. "Look at me." Cas slowly turned to look her in the eyes. Her eyes were brown and she seemed nice enough, mild concern etched into her soft features as she told him to relax. The hand holding his was gentle, warm, meant to be comforting. If he closed his eyes enough that his lashes starting blurring his vision he could almost pretend her eyes were green, hair much shorter, blonder, and that the hand gripping his was rougher, bigger, stronger... _Dean_.

The woman's lips were moving, but he couldn't hear the words, come to think of it; he couldn't hear anything, all the sound seemed to have vanished. It was like watching a movie on mute, he knew there should be noises but they couldn't be heard so he was left to guess.

Cas tried to tell her he didn't understand, he felt his lips open, but he couldn't be certain he'd actually said anything.

His chest hurt, making it hard to breathe, causing him to hyperventilate in a frantic attempt to get air into his oxygen starved lungs. Was this what dying felt like? When April has killed him it had been quick, like falling asleep. This was slow, torturous.

The edges of his vision turned black.

Pretty soon there was nothing but empty darkness.

So he'd just admitted out loud he loved Cas, no one had heard him, but it didn't really matter. He'd said it, felt it in his being, everything Sam had said, damn his brother! He didn't want to love Cas. Everyone Dean had ever loved left him or died and now Cas was going to die too.

Dean rushed down the hall, headed for the cafeteria, apologizing as he went to the people he bumped into. He had to find Sam.

He found Sam sitting at one of the tables in a corner by himself, a plate of what was presumably leaves and twigs resting uneaten in front of him.

"What is it, Dean?"

Sitting heavily across from his brother, Dean hunched down, keeping his voice low so no one else would hear. "It's, Cas. He woke up, so I thought he was going to be okay, but the monitors started beeping and the doctors came in and made me leave and, Cas looked scared out of his mind. He doesn't understand what's happening, I should be in there with him. If he dies the last thing he's going to remember is I bailed on him, again." the older Winchester ran a hand down his face in defeat. "This is all my fault, Sammy." he bit his lip to keep back the sudden urge to cry.

Sam, who had said nothing during Dean's rant, tilted his head slightly in a very un-Sam-like manner, eyes narrowing while seeming to look through his soul with their intensity.

"Castiel is going to die."

"What?" Dean's pulse quickened as he slowly lifted his gaze to stare with dread into the angel's cold, steady gaze. No, no, no! He couldn't loose Sam too, not now!

"I am sorry, Dean."

"No. No..." Dean shook his head, fighting the urge to grab Ezekiel and beg him not to leave with his brother, demand that he heal Cas, both preferably.

Ezekiel looked thoughtful for a moment before his eyes softened into something that almost appeared to be sympathy. "You love him." it wasn't a question.

The statement hung in the thick air between them.

Finally Dean averted his eyes to the floor, feeling the old yet unmistakable feelings of hopelessness rising up to engulf him. He felt dead inside, face with loosing the only two people he had left what was the point in fighting anymore?

Perhaps he'd never regained his true humanity from the ruined remains that Castiel had raised all those years ago from hell. His body was whole, but not even an angel had been able to completely put back together the shattered pieces of his soul.

"So what if I do?" Dean grumbled darkly, forcing his emotions deep down until they ceased to exist in his awareness. "Don't make a shit bit of difference now."


	7. Chapter 7

The tension between them could've suffocated a cat. Dean stared into his brother's hazel eyes; expect they weren't really Sam's anymore because Ezekiel had decided to take over his body again. The angel appeared completely unconcerned about the whole thing, he even leaned against the back of the chair almost lazily. The hunter relaxed slightly, trying to ignore the way his stomach knotted with apprehension.

Ezekiel scanned the room causally every so often, obviously taking in everything, yet he didn't appear the least bit inclined to get up anytime soon.

Keeping his voice carefully neutral Dean finally broke the silence. "So are you going to try and leave?"

"No."

Dean waited for him to continue, shaking his head when Ezekiel couldn't seem to be bothered. This certainly wasn't the reaction he'd imagined. "Care to elaborate?"

"Aside for your questionable affections for Castiel, you seem a very capable human and I feel I will be safer with you then on my own, and since Castiel will not make it through the day there will soon be no reason to leave."

"How do you know he won't make it?" Dean clenched his teeth, though at this point he felt more angry that this stuck up angel thought he knew anything rather then having any real emotions about Cas. Apparently anger didn't care if the rest of you felt dead inside, it would still be there for you.

Ezekiel's eyes narrowed slightly, like he thought the answer was obvious. Well, maybe it was, for him. "He has been poisoned, just like you, nothing you humans have will be able to stop it."

Dean laughed cruelly. "You're lying. When I got poisoned they were able to patch me up in a few hours."

"Because you're human." replied Ezekiel calmly. "The poison is not meant for you, it's meant for angels. Our grace bonds - if you will - with the blood of our vessels and this poison drains our power through this channel of sorts, turns into a rabid super virus, trapping the angel in whatever vessel he or she happens to be wearing at the time and killing them. I hear it is most unpleasant."

Dean's brow furrowed with confusion and unease. "Wow, you angels sure know how to get revenge on each other." he concluded, crossing his arms over his chest. "I would say I'm impressed, but I'm not really in the mood." Dean studied Ezekiel face for a hint of whether he was telling the truth. But this angel was even better than Cas at pulling off a blank look and he couldn't read a damn thing.

"Angels did not make this poison." he sounded almost offended at the notion. "Lucifer did."

Rising an eyebrow Dean was quick to interject. "Well, last I checked, Lucifer was an angel."

"He is no more an angel than you are at this point."

"Hm." grumbled Dean in reluctant agreement. "Guess you have a point there."

Okay, so far he could see all this happening, wasn't the weirdest supernatural thing he'd encountered by a long shot. Yet one thing still didn't add up. "Cas lost his grace, so... he's not an angel anymore. He's human."

"You don't miss a thing, do you, Dean Winchester?"

"No, I don't." Dean agreed somewhat proudly.

Ezekiel smiled slightly, unwavering in his casual mannerisms. "Our grace leaves behind residue in our vessel's blood even after we leave, it's enough to get the job done."

"Oh." Dean faltered, he'd been holding on to the hope that this wasn't real, but now he felt the last trace melt away and a bit of despair bubble up to take its place. He didn't want to care, he hated feelings, or so he'd always told himself. But one thought of Cas' scared face, and the way he'd automatically looked to Dean for comfort seemed to be enough to break through his walls like they were made of thin glass. Just like a light switch his emotions came rushing back full force, knocking the wind out of him in the process.

"I am sorry, Dean, I-"

"Can you heal him?" desperation dripped off his every word, but he didn't care, suddenly all he could think about was Cas, and how beautiful his blue eyes were, how soft his skin felt, the heartbroken expression on his face when Dean had told him he couldn't stay, and the way he'd practically begged Dean only ten minutes ago just to stay with him. He had to protect Cas this time, he owed him.

Most importantly, Dean felt like he couldn't live without him, he didn't _want_ to live without him.

Ezekiel's eyes narrowed in a condescending scowl. "Dean, I do not think that's wise."

"Why?" Dean demanded angrily, almost forgetting in his growing desire to save Cas that this angel still had complete control over his baby brother. "You did it before."

"Because as long as he is alive we are in danger, your brother is in danger."

"We're always in danger, comes with the job." Dean snorted, shaking his head slightly in a disgusted manner. "You know what I think? This is all about you, you're worried about the other angels finding you, you don't care what happens to the rest of us."

"That is not-"

"You're a coward!" Dean spat, slamming his fist down on the table loudly, earning himself several glares from the staff and a couple other people sitting nearby. He paid them no heed. "Well you know what? You're going to go in there and heal him, then you're going to stay with all three of us until Sam is better." Leaning closer, Dean continued in a harsh whisper. "Or so help me god, I will hunt you down and end you in a way so horrible you can't even begin to imagine it. I didn't spend forty years in hell without picking up a few tricks."

The angel's face darkened in a similar way Sam had looked at him during his time being soulless, completely smug and uncaring, the memories made Dean sick to his stomach, scared him a bit, but he didn't let it show.

"I am not afraid of you." Ezekiel stated flatly. "I think we're getting a little off topic, you asked me to keep Sam safe, and that is what I'm doing, my brothers and sisters will not take kindly to anyone harboring a traitor."

Dean scowled, instantly wanting to defend Cas but snapped his mouth shut, thinking better of it. Going off on side tangents wouldn't help matters. Instead he took a deep breath to calm himself.

"Well now I'm asking you to help Cas. I'll keep everyone safe, okay? You let me worry about that."

"You are only a man."

"Yeah, a man who's killed a lot more angels than you have, am I right?"

Ezekiel nodded slightly, appearing to mull things over in his head. "Alright." he finally spoke. "I'll do what I can, though I'm not sure how much I'll be able to help without risking Sam's health, he is still quite weak and I haven't been able to do much healing with all the power I spent raising Castiel from the dead only two weeks back."

Swallowing back the unease at the angel's words, Dean nodded his understanding. He couldn't tell whether that was suppose to be sarcasm or not.

"Just keep him alive." Dean said quietly.

The air around them shivered momentarily and than Ezekiel disappeared, causing Dean to gasp slightly as he fought back the rising anxiety. Maybe he'd gone too far. After all, he was putting his brother on the line. The same brother he'd sworn to protect above all else, even hunting couldn't hold a higher place in his heart than Sam. Yet here he was; risking Sam's safety for Cas, because he couldn't fathom living the rest of his life without Cas; because he _loved_ Cas.

Well love be damned! It sure made you do stupid ass stuff.

Waiting was the worse, Dean paced the room, getting more worried and annoyed glares from around the cafeteria that he did his best to ignore. He should feel relieved, but the churning of his stomach made Dean want to puke. What if Ezekiel changed his mind and decided to leave after all? How could he possibly keep an eye on Sam every second without his brother thinking his behavior was a little crazy?

Just when Dean had about lost his mind with a full blown panic attack, Ezekiel suddenly appeared out of nowhere by his side, causing him to curse under his breath.

"Damn it! Don't do that." Dean hissed. "I thought you couldn't teleport?"

Unfazed by Dean's outburst, Ezekiel tilted his head as if extremely interested by the question. "I didn't 'teleport', I merely went invisible to avoid alarming anyone when I walked into the operating room."

"Operating room?" Dean asked nervously. That didn't sound good.

"Yes."

Damn these stupid angels! Hadn't anyone told them the average human needed details, not just the bare minimum facts?

"Well? How's Cas?" he prodded, unable to contain himself any longer.

"He should live. But he's going to be weak for a while. Perhaps we should return to the bunker, where it is safe. These doctors will take adequate care of Castiel."

"No." Dean said decisively. 'Adequate' was not acceptable in his book, and he wasn't about to abandon Cas now. The poor guy had no clue what was going on and was scared, he needed Dean. "I'm staying with Cas."

"If you have a death wish so be it, but I think Sam would be safer as far away from Castiel as possible."

The angel inhaled sharply, stumbling back, and Dean quickly realized he'd finally released his control over Sam.

"Easy!" Dean extended a hand to steady his swaying brother. "You okay?"

Sam shook his head, eyeing Dean with a shocked expression on his face. "When did you get here? Why are we standing in the corner of the room?"

Glancing around briefly, Dean saw they'd walked to one side of the room, away from the other people, without him even noticing it.

"I just came to find you." Dean replied, hastily guiding his little brother to his chair before he fell over. "Cas woke up, he's going to be fine. It'll just take a few days for him to get back on his feet."

Sam managed a smile as they walked back to the table and sat down. "See, Dean. I told you he'd make it." Sam sighed, confusion clouding his features once more. "I feel like twenty minutes just went by without me even being here, weird right?"

Trying to make light of the manner, Dean laughed. "Yep, you're definitely weird, no questions there."

"Dean." Sam gave him a withering look.

"Anyway." Dean chose to quickly change the subject before his brother started asking anymore questions he couldn't answer truthfully, even he had his limit on how many lies he could comfortably tell in one day. "I was thinking maybe you should head home, get some rest. You're still recovering from the trials and we all know hospitals are the worse place to get quality sleep."

"I'm fine, Dean." the dramatic eye roll Sam gave spoke volumes to how annoyed he was getting with the whole 'your still not completely better after those trials' speech.

"Don't argue with me. I don't need two charity cases on my hands. One is enough." Dean used the best authoritative tone he could muster. "I'll keep you updated on Cas."

"Okay, chill. I see what's going on here." Sam said smugly.

"Nothing's going on." insisted Dean with a wave of his hand.

Sam snorted, taking a big bite of salad off his plate as he continued. "Sure. So you don't want any alone time with Castiel? So you can cuddle him without me teasing you."

"I don't cuddle." Dean's cheeks colored slightly at the thought of snuggling up with Cas as he retrieved the keys for the impala from his pocket and threw them at Sam. "Now get out of here before I kick your ass."

xxxxxx

Luckily there was a cheap enough motel within walking distance to the hospital and Dean reluctantly check in later that day to get some much needed rest. The doctors had informed him a couple hours back that Cas had 'miraculously' made some progress and they thought he might actually pull through. But they hadn't allowed him to see him and as far as he knew Cas was still unconscious, so what better time to get his four hours of sleep?

Sam had called him to let him know he'd made it back to the bunker and that Kevin had finally returned from Branson, Missouri. He assured Dean he'd be keeping a look out for anymore signs of angels or anything else supernatural in their area and he'd let him know right away if anything came up. Kevin, of course, was anxious to get to work decoding the Angel Tablet. And would hopefully find a more permanent solution to their angel problems. Dean had scowled at the mention of angels, he'd had enough of those winged dicks to last him a lifetime. Except for Cas; when he recovered Dean vowed to help him get his wings back if it was the last thing he did.

The room he'd booked smelled musty, the carpet was stained with who-knows-what, and the only furniture was a tiny nightstand squeezed between the two small queen beds. Dean hardly cared, he slumped grateful onto the closest bed, barely mustering the energy to pull off his jeans and jacket to trade for more comfortable sweatpants and a worn t-shirt.

He'd wanted to stay at the hospital until Cas woke up, unable to bare the thought that his friend would have to endure more crap on his own. But one of the nurses had finally convinced him that he looked even worse than Cas and wouldn't be any good to him if he too collapsed from exhaustion. Couldn't really argue there.

Despite the never-ending story of self hatred, worry and guilt going on in Dean's head, he fell into a restless sleep near minutes after his head hit the pillow.

xxxxxx

When Cas opened his eyes again the room was dark. Expect for the faint green light coming off the huge machine to his right. The machine beeped intermittently, making him feel a little disorientated. Where was he? This room looked different yet similar to the room he'd been in previously. Cas couldn't remember anything after Dean had left. _Dean_... Cas' eyes darted to his side, but the single chair pushed up against the wall was empty. Sadness swelled up in his chest but he pushed it away, trying to focus on the present.

There were needles in his arm, covered with clear tape, that felt mildly uncomfortable and sticky white squares stuck to this chest. His body seemed unable to decided whether he was freezing or burning up and he really, really wanted some water.

He couldn't move anything but his eyelids of several moments, and when he finally could move everything hurt so much he really wished he hadn't. His insides felt like someone had replaced all the blood with bleach and every single muscle burned with stiff protest. Maybe he'd died and gone to hell. Seemed nothing less than he deserved.

Yet Cas was pretty sure he wasn't dead, this didn't feel anything like the last several times he'd died. So why did he have a nagging feeling he should be dead?

His thoughts once again drifted to Dean. Cas had been so happy to see him, to hear his voice, just to know the hunter still cared about him. Since he'd become human Cas kept getting this fluttery feeling in his chest whenever Dean was around, and the urge to be close to him was a little overwhelming. Sure, Cas had always enjoyed standing in Dean's personal space, but it hasn't actually affected him any. Now, on the other hand, he felt jittery and nervous around his friend. And every little gesture or word of affection gave him an unusual amount of unfettered enjoy.

Cas had really wanted to return the favor, to touch Dean the way the hunter did him, and to tell him all the sappy feelings he had bubbling inside that he barely understood but was pretty sure were a good thing. They felt good; scary and raw, but good. Yet Cas felt too scared that Dean would freak out again, better to ignore his strange emotions then to get hurt.

It wasn't long before a nurse came in to fuss over him, he didn't recognize her from earlier and this made him uneasy. Obviously Cas had no idea nurses and doctors had shifts. The strange woman had her brown hair back in a pony tail and it whipped around when she turned her head.

She grabbed his arm unexpectedly and Cas couldn't control the sudden tensing of his muscles, or the way his pulse started pounding loudly in his ear. All the physical interaction he'd had since become human had been negative, everyone had either been trying to beat him up or flat out kill him.

"Relax." she instructed, not in a mean way but certainly lacking any real concern.

After taking Cas' vitals the nurse started asking him a bunch of questions he couldn't answer. His nerves only calmed slightly, realizing she wasn't going to hurt him, at least not right this second.

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Cas tried to tell her, his voice painfully raspy, he gave her a blank stare of confusion as she continued on as if she hadn't heard him. He couldn't fathom how a string of numbers put together could possibly give you any security in a social setting. And what the hell was 'health insurance' anyway?

"I've only been human a few weeks." explained Cas, hoping to clear things up before his head exploded from the mere effort it was taking to try and keep up with the conversation. "When I was an angel I didn't have to worry about any of this, so please forgive me for being clueless."

"Nice try." The woman sighed. "A simple 'I have no insurance' would do." she glanced at his charts before shaking her, an almost sad expression on her face. "Are you even legal?"

"Yes." Cas replied, relieved that he at least knew the answer to one question. "I assure you, I'm well over twenty one."

"No, sweetie." her manner seem to take on one of sympathy. "I mean, are you a legal citizen of this country?"

"I... I don't know." Cas' head throbbed in agony with every beat of his heart and he really wanted to be left alone. He hated feeling so stupid and helpless.

"I'll take that as a no." she retrieved his chart once more and scribbled down some notes. "You have any relatives?"

"None that will be of any help." Cas grumbled, rubbing his forehead with his pointer finger and thumb.

"Well who brought you in here?"

"Dean, Dean Winchester." whispered Cas, averting his gaze, he knew Dean liked to keep it under cover but had no idea what name Dean might have written on the paperwork. "Is he here?" Cas asked hopefully.

"Doubt it." the woman replied with slight annoyance evident in her voice. "All the information he gave us was fake, except a number for a disposable phone that could be legit, who knows, because no one is answering it. Pretty sure the address it crap, unless he drove you across three state lines to get here." she eyed Cas for a moment who only shrugged. He didn't remember anything past passing out on the floor, he didn't even know where he was right now.

Rolling her eyes, the nurse continued. "Tried to run the insurance information he gave, which of course didn't exist. We have his name down as Dan Evans, ring a bell?"

Cas shook his head slowly, trying to swallow back his disappointment. Seems like Dean had made contacting himself impossible, and he hasn't even bothered to stick around to see if Cas made it. So much for being family. Blinking back tears that suddenly threatened to escape his sore eyes, Cas stare at his lap in defeat. His side was starting to hurt again and the bandages made it even harder to breath around the tightness in his chest.

"Was this Dean guy your friend?" the nurse questioned, either unaware or choosing to ignore Cas' sudden emotional reaction.

"Guess not." Cas groaned as he forced himself on to his uninjured side and let his head sag against the pillow. "You have any pain killers?"

He heard the nurse shuffle around for a moment, messing with the IV drip attached to his arm. "That will help. I'll be back in a while." she said before her footsteps signaled her exiting the room.

Curling up the best he could, Cas let tears fall unhindered down his cheeks, wetting the pillow beneath his face. His shoulder shook in silent sobs. No matter how hard he tried, Cas couldn't stop thinking about all the horrible things he'd done. Siding with Crowley; his failed attempt at rising Sam from the cage; how he'd almost killed Dean; and now thanks to him all the angels had been kicked out of heaven.

No wonder Dean didn't want to be around him. But it still hurt. Still made him feel like he couldn't breathe.

Cas had no clue how to handle his guilt and pain, so he just let himself slip further into despair and depression.

xxxxxx

 _"Dean..." Cas panted, writhing underneath the hunter's weight._

 _Dean nipped on Cas' soft neck before pulling back and staring at the unraveled, half naked, angel trapped between the legs he had straddled on either side of his curved hips. Shit, he was beautiful! Chest heaving, pale skin glistening with sweat, well toned abs twitching as Dean trailed a lazy hand down his side, feeling the warm skin tickle at his fingertips._

 _"Dean!" Cas squeaked again, jerking his pelvis up. "Rub me."_

 _With his slightly trembling hand Dean moved lower and stroked Cas' crotch through the thin fabric of his slacks. Man, he was hard as a rock! Cas shivered, his bright blue eyes slipping closed in pure bliss and Dean felt himself growing hard just watching Cas' face, listening to his little moans of pleasure._

 _"Cas..." he murmured with all the love in the world._

 _"Dean. Dean..." Cas kept repeating his name as he thrust up into the contact. "Dean..."_

Dean jerked awake to the sound of his phone alarm going off. Grumbling under his breath, Dean reached over and grabbed the device off the nightstand, effectively ending the annoying noise.

He lay in silence for a moment, enjoying the warm afterglow of his wet dream. Breath still labored, the rapid beating of his heart still roaring in his ears. And fuck! Dream Cas had been hot! Needy and panting and muttering his name like a pray...

Dean shifted, only mildly surprised to find he had a raging boner. Whether he ever work up the nerve to confess his feelings for Cas or not, his body sure had plans of its own.

Well right now the best he could do was take care of his little problem in the shower. Stumbling towards the bathroom, Dean stripped his clothes and started the water running. Once the water ran hot he stepped into the steaming spray. Using his dream as mental fuel it hardly took him five minutes to push himself over the edge.

Afterwards he hastily finished the rest of his shower, grabbing a towel to dry off with while he searched for the disposable phone he'd used at the hospital. He instantly freaked when he saw he had four missed calls from them. But listening to the voicemails revealed them all to be inquires concerning the fake insurance information he'd written down and questions regrading Cas' identity.

Not one gave him any news on Cas and Dean felt his blood pressure spike with rage. These assholes seemed to care about nothing besides making sure they got paid for their troubles.

Seemed it was time to bust his friend out before they got too smart. Dean quickly got dressed and grabbed his phone, leaving the rest of his junk in his room. He'd paid with cash, and with not even a name to go off of they'd be hard pressed to find him, if they even tried, no matter how close by he happened to be.

The sun hung low in the sky as Dean made his way back towards the motel, judging by its position he figured he had about an hour left of good light. He sure hoped Cas could walk, because the last thing they needed was for Dean to get arrested for all the lies he'd told on that paperwork...

* * *

 _Thanks for the support guys, all your comments make me smile :)_


	8. Chapter 8

Dean's eyes darted nervously from the masked faces of other doctors and nurses maneuvering the halls to the small over hanging signs that he was using to try and find his way around. He certainly didn't want the damn maternity ward!

After reaching the hospital and managing to sneak through the main waiting room without being detected, Dean had knocked out one of the male nurses who looked to be about his height and 'borrowed' the guy's scrubs. He felt a bit bad about punching this guy, Dr. Wilson, and leaving him mostly naked and unconscious in a supply closet. But hey, desperate times called for desperate measures, right?

Sure, he could have waited around town until the hospital released Cas and met up with him then, explain everything to him when he was better and in a state to handle and understand said explanation. Cas would give him one of those blank stares followed by a slight nod and they'd move past it without a second thought. Or that's what would have happened before; before Cas had fallen and became human; before Dean had betrayed his trust without even giving a reason.

Now Dean wasn't sure Cas would shrug off getting abandoned by him again, wasn't sure Cas would fair well mentality thinking Dean had once again left him to fend for himself. And Dean would never be able to live with himself if one of the other angels happened to find him and kill him while he was hanging out in some cheap motel eating Cheetos.

Yet even still, every minute spent wandering the halls made Dean reconsider his brilliant idea. Now if he got caught he could add assault to the list of reasons the law should haul him off to the nearest high security prison. And the fact that he was going room to room and 'spying' on the patients was a good reason for someone to get curious.

He'd already checked the main level where they'd had Cas the first time but no luck. So now he'd found his way to the IC unit, which was harder to slip in and out of undetected because they were a lot of more people around, keeping much closer tabs on the patients.

It took him longer than he would have liked to search the whole ward and still no Cas. Dean didn't know whether to be relieved that he wasn't in the IC or panicked that he was back to square one and running out of time. Dr. Wilson wouldn't stay unconscious forever and once he woke up and sounded the alarm this place would be swarming with people, or police, looking for the assaulter.

Just then Dean caught the word 'outpatient' with an arrow pointing down on one of the many signs scattered throughout the halls. That had to the right one! They'd probably moved him there, planning to discharge him the second he was stabilized since he had no insurance. Annoyingly enough it seemed the outpatient ward was underground, meaning he'd have to either use the elevator or stairs to get back to the main level before they could actually leave.

He just hoped Cas would be corporative.

Stepping out of the elevator Dean was relieved to find the place was mostly vacant of staff. That didn't make him feel any less like a creep for looking into every single room as he walked by, thanking God that they had windows on the doors.

Finally, about two thirds of the way down the hall, Dean found who he was looking for. He'd know that tousled dark hair anywhere. Opening the door slowly so not to startle Cas, Dean glanced briefly around the room, exhaling a breath he hadn't realized he'd been holding, when he saw it was empty.

Heart flip flopping with a mixture of excitement and anxiety, Dean walked over to the bed and gently shook the former angel's shoulder. Cas was curled up on his left side, covers pulled up all the way to his nose and he groaned a bit as Dean shook him, but otherwise didn't stir.

"Hey, Cas." Dean whispered, tightening his grip a little. "Wake up, buddy."

"Go away..." Cas mumbled, waving his hand weakly in the air in an attempt to dislodge Dean's hand.

"Cas!" Dean rubbed his thumb tenderly over the other man's jaw. "You got to get up, okay?"

Mere seconds after Dean touched his bare skin Cas' eyes flew open with a gasp and he was suddenly fighting with the sheets, scrambling half way up the wall behind him in his haste. "I don't have anything!" he yelped, his terrified blue eyes darting around the room before he brought his arms up to cover his head like he thought someone was going to hit him. "Don't hurt me."

"Jesus, Cas! It's me!" hissed Dean in surprise, pulling the mask down so Cas could see his face. It felt like someone had stab his gut with a rusty, dull knife and then took the handle and started twisting it deeper. Seeing Cas coward and damn near beg for his safety messed him up way more than he'd like to admit.

"D'n?" Cas lowered his arms and looked at him uncertainty, as if he couldn't decide if the person standing in front of him was real. "You, you came... back?"

"Yeah, Cas. 'Course I came back." Dean swallowed the lump in his throat and sat down on the small bed, motioning for Cas to move closer. "Why did you think I wouldn't?"

Frowning, Cas hesitantly wiggled closer, his averted gaze and slumped posture told Dean all he needed to know without Cas having to say a single word. He didn't think he was worth anyone's time of day.

Damn it, Cas! Dean grabbed him into a tight embrace as soon as he was in arms reach, needing to feel his warmth, assure himself that Cas really was alive, and going to be okay. "You're the most important person, next to Sam, on this entire planet to me, I'll always come back for you." Dean muttered, nose buried in Cas' hair, secretly pleased to discover it smelled like his shampoo. Desire stirred in his gut. Cas' scent, the way he felt in his arms, was like a drug that Dean couldn't get enough of.

Cas tensed, his rapid breathing sounding labored, uneven, like he was holding back tears. "You shouldn't have." he insisted, weakly pushing against Dean's ribs in an attempt to get out of the hug.

But Dean didn't let go, he had to show Cas he really, truly, cared about him. That he loved him. And Dean isn't good with words so this was the only way he knew how. "Shh, don't say that." he pleaded, running his hands up and down Cas' thinly clothed back to sooth him. "Everything's going to be okay, you'll see."

"I don't deserve..." Cas started, but trailed off with a soft sigh when Dean pressed his thumbs firmly into his upper back. It took longer than he would have like, but finally Dean felt him relax, leaning against him heavily, like he had the first time Dean had taken care of him and caressed him like this. Obviously Cas approved of the affection and Dean felt the familiar heat flare up in the pit of his stomach. Just like before, he wanted to kiss Cas, except now the urge was even stronger, unhindered by his previous hang ups. He wanted this, though he's still scared to openly admit it - it just felt right. Simply having Cas close, and safe, lifted a huge weight off his shoulders. And he'd be lying if he said he didn't want to do unholy things with this beautiful creature in his arms.

"I need you." mumbled Dean almost shyly. A shiver of pure excitement ran down his spine when Cas gently nuzzled his neck in response. Maybe Cas had feelings for him too... or maybe he just liked the comfort. Dean moved his hands to the back of Cas' head, idly playing with his hair as he mulled over the possibilities.

"Dean..." Cas whined a little in protest, shifting to make it easier for Dean to get to the good spots. "Keep doing that, please."

"You liked that, eh?" Dean chuckled, letting his fingers dig into Cas' shoulder blades once again.

"Feels _so_ good..." Cas sighed breathlessly, his hand clutching the scrubs covering Dean's arm. The hunter smiled, resting his chin atop Cas' head, enjoying the feel of his soft hair brushing against his throat, his warm breath washing over his bare skin.

Dean allowed himself a couple more minutes to just snuggle Cas, because the poor guy acted like he really needed, hell; Dean needed it. Cas was right; this did feel good. The way Cas pressed against him, soaking up all the attention like he couldn't get enough, made Dean want to show him just how many ways in which he could give him pleasure.

Well, screw it! Why not indulge in bit of iniquity?

"What's this feel like?" Bringing one hand up to grip a fistful of messy hair, Dean gently tilted Cas' head, barely brushing his lips over his exposed neck, softly kissing the warm skin. Cas' surprised gasp sounded loud so close to his ear and Dean jumped slightly. He could feel the former angel's pulse quicken, beating frantically just like his own. Maybe this was a bad idea...

The silence seemed to last forever, though in reality was only a few seconds, neither one dared move.

Finally huffing out something Dean couldn't quite understand, Cas tipped his head back a little more and Dean took that as an open invitation, trailing chaste little kisses down his neck, sucking a bit when he got to his collarbone, letting his hand caress the silky hair tangled up in his fingers.

"Nice..." Cas muttered, tentatively resting a hand on Dean's thigh. It took Dean a moment to realize Cas was just now answering his question. Without breaking contact, Dean glanced up and saw the other man had his eyes closed, lips parted just enough to give him that blissed out look on his face.

Dean let out a shaky breath, everything in him wanted to press his lips to Cas', thrust his tongue inside that warm mouth and lick, taste, just immerse himself in Cas. But not here, not like this, he wanted it to be special. Jeez, he's getting cheesy.

"We got to go." Dean told him, reluctantly pulling away enough so he could pull the IV drip from Cas' arm. "Got to get out of here before this guy wants his scrubs back."

"Uh?" Cas stared at him blankly with eyes open just enough that Dean could made out the blue color of his pupils. Swaying a bit as he tried to hold himself in a sitting position without Dean's support, Cas smiled weakly, he seemed really out of it.

Studying him closer, Dean noticed Cas' glazed over eyes, the way he blinked unevenly as he desperately tried to focus. Yet he didn't seem to be able to, his gaze wandered around aimlessly, appearing to look through, instead of at, everything he saw.

"Cas, you alright?" Dean asked with concern, placing a hand on his shoulder to steady him.

"No, Dean, I'm not alright." the sudden despair in Cas' voice took the hunter by surprise. "I don't know what I'm doing, I'm horrible at being human. I've ruined everything, and... and I don't know if I can live with that anymore." Cas lowered his voice to a mere whisper. "...I'm scared."

Dean didn't know how to react, he was bad with emotions in the best of times, and this... well this was just too much for him to process. He should comfort him, right? But where on earth would he even start? "Cas..." he pressed his palm to Cas' forehead, almost flinching at the heat he felt burning against his skin. "You need to take it easy." he muttered, not knowing what else to say. "I'm here for you, no matter what."

Cas was quiet, his brow furrowing as he blinked heavily lidded, watery eyes. He licked his dry lips, taking in every detail of the hunter in front of him like he'd never seen him before. The atmosphere in the room shifted and Dean caught a glimpse of the steely gaze Cas had often given him as an angel before his face fell, eyes darting downward.

"You're lying. You hate me." Cas suddenly became super interested in a loose thread from the sheets that he picked at idly with his fingers. "How could you not?"

"No, Cas..." Dean insisted, an indescribable, horrible feeling bubbling his chest as he reached out to comfort him, but Cas jerked away from the touch like it physically hurt. "I don't hate you." he finished in a whisper, slowly retracting his hand while Cas watched with a slight scowl.

"Yes, you do." Cas sounded much calmer than he looked, and quite sure of the statement. But his confidence wavered as he continued in a whisper. "I try to pretend its not true, that I don't care... but I can't, I do."

"Why are you saying-"

"You hurt me." Cas interrupted, his voice shaky with sorrow. "You _hurt_ me, Dean. I was scared, and alone, and I needed you, and you, you... I thought we were friends."

"We are." Dean told him softly, clenching his fist in a vain attempt to fight the urge to pull Cas close and provide whatever comfort he could, he didn't even deserve the right to touch Cas right now. "I'm so sorry, Cas. You don't know how much I wish I could go back and do things differently."

"Dean, I don't think you understand." Cas smiled bitterly.

Of course he did! He'd been a total jerk. Let down the one person besides his brother he had left in the world, and no matter how many apologies he uttered he'd never been able to change that fact. Dean snorted, his expression one of grim acceptance. "Yes I do. I screwed up. What's not to understand?"

"Everything." Cas replied as if that explained it somehow. He leaned closer to whisper something in Dean's ear but thought better of it, instead only shrugging and letting himself collapse back against the pillows with a bone weary sigh. "I was stupid to ever trust you."

Well Dean couldn't really argue there, but he knew one thing; he was here now and he wasn't going to let Cas out of his sight again.

"Come on, Cas. I'm going to get you out of here." Dean grabbed the unwilling man by his arms and tried to pull him up, but Cas was surprisingly heavy as dead weight and Dean found the task harder then he anticipated. "Little help would be nice."

"Leave me alone!" Cas spat, smacking his hands away. "I know you don't really want me around now that I'm not an angel."

"What? Where are you getting all these stupid ideas from, freaking Facebook?" but he knew. Dean recalled all too clearly how he'd acted when Cas had first shown up and asked for help. So much had happened since then, even though it had only been a couple days it felt like forever to Dean. He was way past caring if loving Cas made him gay or not. But apparently his asshole behavior still weighted heavily on Cas' heart.

Cas snorted and kneed him in the back hard, causing him to loose his balance and tumble off the bed. He grabbed awkwardly at the empty chair to break his fall and managed to keep from landing on his rear. Okay, so he probably deserved that. Actually he deserved far worse.

With a small groan, Dean pulled himself up and turned around, holding his hands in front of him in surrender. "Cas, take it easy, I know you're pissed, and you have every right to be. But right now we have to go."

"No. No, you. Y-you need to go, Dean." Cas slurred, jabbing a finger in Dean's general direction, like a damn drunk person.

"Man, how much morphine did they give you?" Dean inched a bit closer. "You still have a pretty bad fever, I think it's messing with your head."

"I... don't know." Cas said with a lazy shrug, a small smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. "But I like it. It makes the pain go away."

And there it is, that long forgotten image that had haunted his dreams for months after being sent to the future by Zachariah. Cas, stoned out of his mind, not giving a shit, popping pills like they were candy, stupidly trusting his 'best friend' who cared about nothing but the mission. Here they were, five years later, except this time it was real, not just a possible future, this is their actual future. And Dean had to wonder. Had they really done any better?

Because now they had freakin' Knights of Hell and hundreds of crazy angels on the loose, Cas is human, still on his side, by his side?, telling him how much he liked the feeling of being high on drugs and Sam was still getting his ass rode by a very questionable angel. And Dean, well he'd done some dark shit, how could he say he was any better then his other, pro torture, future self had been?

So really; had they avoided the apocalypse? Or just traded one devil for the other?

"Please, Cas..."

"Don't 'please, Cas' me! I'm mad at you. I feel things when I'm around you now, in my chest, it doesn't really make sense, I thought they were good feelings at first. When you and Sam found me, I think thats the first time I've truly felt... happy." Cas said the word like it was completely foreign. "But now everything just hurts, it hurts so bad I can barely breathe." the former angel met Dean's gaze, his blue eyes searching the freckled face before him for answers. In spite of his declaration of being mad he looked more miserable and lost than angry.

Dean stared back, the unfettered pain he saw in his friend's soft eyes made him feel like he'd just gotten his heart ripped out and stomped on. Why did breathing suddenly seem nearly impossible? Was Cas saying he had feeling for him? Dean couldn't tell, damn angel was horrible at explaining things sometimes, and Dean was much too afraid to ask. Afraid he was reading into this that weren't there.

"Dean."

"Hm?" the hunter raised his eyebrow.

"What's wrong with me?"

 _Oh, Cas._

"Nothing." he whispered, heart aching with need. He needed to touch Cas so bad right now, show him the good side of being a fucked up human. Teach him about comfort and joy and family and love. Dean wanted Cas to feel love. Maybe as an angel he couldn't, but he's not an angel anymore. "You're human, Cas. Being human hurts. Because humans have emotions, and emotions are a jumbled up shit show on the best of days."

"You feel that way around me?" all irritation had left Cas' voice, now he just sounded confused. And hopeful? No. That's just his wishful thinking. It's not like Cas wants to kiss him until he stops breathing, take all his clothes off and caress every inch of his body like its a temple to God. Cas isn't the one wondering what waking up next to Dean for the rest of his life would feel like...

"Well, I..." Dean didn't know what to say. Should he tell him? Tell him he can't think straight when his is around? That he wants so bad to touch, to kiss, to just let passion consume him like a flame, because that's what his feelings for Cas are like; a flame burning him from the inside out.

Probably not. Cas would most likely freak.

Footsteps outside the door snapped Dean back to the present faster than a lightning bolt. A familiar tingle of nerves ran up his spine, somehow he just knew those weren't human footsteps. They were too soft, too precise. He had to get them both out of here.

Dean was on the bed beside Cas before he even realized he'd moved.

"What the-?" the angel exclaimed before Dean slapped a rough hand over his mouth, shoving him up against the headboard in his haste. Cas' surprised gasp was muffled by his palm but Dean could tell by the amount of squirming that he's probably in pain.

Trying to ease the weight off his friend, Dean shifted off his lap, straddling Cas' hips with his knees, which was more than a little awkward but at least served his purpose. He kept a firm hold over Cas' mouth as he held his breath, trying to hear over the roaring of his own frantic heart beat.

Shit! Dean thought he was nervous, Cas looked utterly freaked out, eyes wide and flicking wildly around the room as if a monster is going to jump out of the walls, muscles tensed and chest heaving, but otherwise holding himself completely still.

"Shh." Dean hissed, wanting to explain himself, tell Cas he would protect him from whatever came through that door, but fearful his voice would be heard by whoever, or whatever, stood just outside.

Hushed voices whispered to each other on the other side of the door, Dean ducked his head, hiding his face and hoping he'd been wrong, that it really was just normal nurses going on their rounds.

Cas' breath got even more erratic and Dean could feel his body start to shake beneath his own. Using his free hand, Dean stroked Cas' arm slowly, hoping to calm him down. But his touch seemed to have the opposite effect. Like Cas anticipated the gesture to have a negative affect.

Finally the footsteps faded into nothing and Dean released his grip, sagging a little against Cas' trembling form before turning to his friend. "Okay, that was too close for..." he trailed off when he realized Cas had his lower lip between his teeth and tears filling his eyes, threatening to spill over and slide down his pale cheeks. "Shit, Cas. Did I hurt you?"

"D-Dean." Cas stammered weakly, his voice breaking. "Dean, please... I'm so sorry, I... please don't."

Backing off Cas slowly, not really sure what to think, Dean asked softly. "Don't what?"

"Hurt me."

Dean felt something inside him break like a sheet of fragile glass. He hadn't realized how important Cas' friendship and trust had been to him until now, until it was too late to undo the damage and heal all the pain.

"Relax, okay?" Dean sighed in frustration, despite the longing in his chest to fix things, he hadn't the faintest clue how to deal with Cas' new found fear. Hell, he didn't even know why he was so afraid, obviously something had happened but this wasn't the time or place to discuss such deep matters. "I'm not going to hurt you, why would you even think that?"

"I don't... I..." Cas' breathing slowly returned to normal and Dean could have sworn he looked embarrassed. "Can we just go?"

"Yeah." Dean forced out, wishing he could forget what he'd just witnessed. He quickly explained to Cas his plan, which wasn't much, and why they had to make sure he didn't get spotted as anything more than another one of the doctors going about his rounds. Cas nodded but Dean wondered just how much he'd actually understood.

With Dean's help Cas managed to get off the bed without falling, but he appeared unsteady and drugged out of his mind, grabbing the sheets to keep from swaying, unfocused eyes taking in his surrounding with disinterest.

Dean gripped his arm for support and was surprised when Cas leaned into his chest, pressing his face into the crook of his neck. Everywhere their bodies met burned with repress passion and Dean found himself struggling to keep his brain focused on the task at hand as his blood rushed to his lower region.

Oh shit.

Dean was a perverted asshole. But he couldn't help it.

Cas leaned into him heavily, nuzzling him like a cat while practically panting warm air over the sensitive skin of his neck. And God help him, he wanted. Oh, he wanted so bad, to shove Cas into the mattress of that crappy hospital bed, grind their hips together, kiss his lips until neither one of them could breathe and then strip off that ugly gown he had on...

"Okay, it's okay." Dean brought a shaky hand up to caress Cas' messy hair. Even the simple feel of those silky strands between his finger made Dean's legs weak with desire. Fuck! Cas felt so good snuggled up to his side, he never wanted to let go. Wished this moment could last forever. He hugged him tighter.

Cas let out a little sigh, and wiggled a bit, his hand brushing across the front of Dean's pants. And Dean isn't sure if it's intentional or not but the abrupt sensations coursing through his loins make him jerk. Cas had barely touched him, but damn if it wasn't one of the most pleasurable things he'd ever experienced. "Oh! Cas... Cas, d-don't do that."

Oh, oh, oh, fuck! Dean needed more of that, the intensity of his longing scared him to the core. He'd do anything short of murder just to have those feelings, those emotions, filling him again.

"De-an..." slurred Cas, his tone somewhere between amusement and annoyance. He looked up at the hunter, blue eyes glistening with fever, or lust. Probably just the fever...

"Yeah..." he panted. So high on endorphins he couldn't breath.

"Your face... is red." Cas said, tilting his head like he always did when something confused him.

"Whoa, whoa!" Dean, head still spinning from the unexpected contact, panicked for a second when Cas' knees abruptly buckled and he found himself scrambling to support all the weight. Dude was heavily for a nerd angel. Thankfully he managed to sling Cas' left arm across his shoulders while simultaneously hooking his arm around Cas' middle, effectively preventing them both from tumbling on top of each other in mess of failing limbs. Not so bad. He could this.

Until Cas tried to move and nearly pulled them both to the floor.

"Damn it, Cas!"

"Eh." Cas giggled. Giggled! He let his head fall back on Dean's shoulder. "I don't think... I can walk." he announced like he found the notion funny. Well it wasn't funny! This happened to be a very serious matter.

"No shit, Sherlock."

Cas frowned, deep in thought, before he grinned cheekily. "I don't... What's that mean?"

Dean rolled his eyes dramatically. "Nothing. I think I saw one of those rolling hospital beds on the way here, just down the hall. You think you can manage that far?"

"Of course." Cas bobbed his head in agreement, taking a shaky step forward, dragging a cursing Dean with him.

"Stop it, you idiot!"

"You're... idiot." Cas laughed, but he let Dean lead as they walked more or less towards the door.

Each step had Dean clutching his teeth against the pain, his sore ribs screaming in protest each time Cas' elbow brushed against them. But he didn't say anything, having Cas close was worth any discomfort he might be feeling. And as an added bonus the discomfort kept his raging erection under control.

Finally making it to the door, Dean pressed a hand to the frame, pulling in labored breaths as he tried to pump himself up with positive thoughts. Everything was going to be fine, he had Cas in his arms, safe, not dying, just a little drugged up and feverish, nothing some nutrients and rest couldn't fix. Sam was safe, for now, he'd worried about the rest once he got to that point.

Dean pressed a kiss to the dark hair tickling under his chin, inhaling a quick whiff of the intoxicating scent. Why did he smell so _good_? Cas' head lolled forward, causing Dean to grunt with the effort of holding the increasingly limp body upright.

"No, hey. Cas! Stay with me, buddy."

With difficultly, Cas raised his gaze enough to look the hunter in the eyes for a moment. "So tired, Dean." he muttered.

"I know, man. You can rest when we get to the motel, okay? But right now you have to stay awake."

"And you'll rub my back more?" Cas asked, his gravely voice hopeful. "I liked that."

Dean's face flushed hot, the request stirring up some fleeting inappropriate thoughts and a whole nest of butterflies in his stomach, but he nodded. Really, had it been anyone else the physical neediness would have annoyed him, but Dean really wanted an excuse to touch Cas, whether it led to sex or not. "Yeah, of course. I'll do whatever you want."

Cas seemed satisfied with that answer, and as Dean replaced the mask over his face before pushing the door open and peering around quickly to make sure whoever, or whatever, had been lurking around was gone, the former angel did his best to stand straight.

The hallway was mercifully empty, because no way would a supposed doctor half dragging, half carrying a barely conscious patient be seen as even remotely normal.

"Okay, come on, Cas." Dean repositioned the other man to obtain a better hold. They were close, once he got Cas on the bed, moving him would be much easier and a lot less conspicuous.

Cas was soon panting, and each step he took seemed more uncoordinated then the last, yet he didn't complain, only clung tightly to Dean's clothes like a life line.

"Shh, I got ya." Dean muttered in what he hoped was a soothing voice.

Getting Cas up on the gurney was hard, especially since Dean had to be extra careful not to rip open his own stitches. He found himself wishing Cas still had angel powers, then he could heal both of them and teleport them out of here.

Dean glanced down at the other man still curled up against his side and smiled sadly. Even if Cas felt something for him now, once he regained his true angelic form the chances of him retaining those feelings were slim. That hardly mattered though, Dean would do whatever it took to get his grace back regardless. There was no way Cas would be happy living the rest of his life as a human, so that about settled it.

Pushing the jumbled up mess of emotions to the back of his mind, Dean motioned for Cas to lay down and quickly draped a sheet over him.

Dean tried to act normal, to walk calmly, but the way his heart hammered in his chest like a drum made it quite the challenge. All that mattered right now was getting Cas back to the motel - with him.

All he had to do was act normal, right?

Finally he made it to the elevator door, and pressed the button. This had to work. He simply couldn't handle not having Cas with him right now. Dean drew in ragged breaths as he waited for the elevator to descend to their level, trying desperately to calm his frantically beating pulse.

The door opened and Dean pushed the gurney inside, feeling his anxiety rise when his gaze fell on the same brown haired nurse who'd basically shoved him out of Cas' room earlier that day. If she recognized him all hell would break loose, because he would not be going to jail while Cas needed him.

"Hey." Dean nodded to her casually, hoping his voice didn't betray his nerves.

The women narrowed her eyes slightly as if studying him and Dean swallowed nervously, quickly averting his eyes to the metal wall opposite them as he gripped the bed rail so tightly his knuckles turned white.

The insane thought of pulling a gun and taking down anything in his way should someone try to stop them fluttered through Dean's brain for a moment before he quickly caught himself. What is he thinking? These were all innocent people just doing there jobs. Loving Cas really is making him crazy!

When the door opened on the main floor the woman gave him one more curious stare before walking off, leaving Dean heaving a sigh of relief as he sagged against the elevator wall. It took several moments before Dean felt steady enough on his feet to actually walk. Now that they were on the desired level it was time for phase two of his master escape plan; setting off the alarm.

But he never got that far. Just as Dean stepped out of the double doors he noticed the browned hair woman walking towards him, this time she had two men dressed as security guards on either side of her, one taller with blonde hair and the other appearing half Mexican, with black hair and olive skin.

"Shit." Dean mumbled under his breath, putting on the most convincing smile he could muster and nodded briefly to the threesome. "Can I help you?"

"I don't know, you tell me. Dr. Wilson." the women crossed her arms across her chest and crock an eyebrow, almost appearing to smirk.

"Tell you what?" he slowly stepped in between them and the gurneys and the taller guard placed a hand on his gun.

"Don't move." he ordered.

"Whoa, whoa." Dean held up his hands in an nonthreatening gesture of compliance. "Look, I don't want any trouble. I just want to take my friend home. So if you can pretend you never saw me than everyone can go about their lives like this never happened."

The man frowned in confusion and glanced at the other two while the woman simply smirked. "Ah! I knew you weren't the doctor, your the guy from earlier, 'Dan Evens'." she air quoted the name with a small shake of her head. "What did you do with the real Dr. Wilson?"

"Nothing." replied Dean with what he hoped to be a charming grin. "I'm just borrowing his clothes."

"Sir, I'm going to have to ask that you come with us."

"Let's just talk about this..." rationally Dean knew how stupid he was being even as his hand went for the pistol at his side, hidden by the stolen clothing. When he pulled the weapon and saw the fear on the other people's faces his heart lurched. This isn't what he wanted, he's suppose to protect people, but right now the only person that exists in his mind is Cas. He couldn't stop now, an invisible force seemed to take hold of his body and he mind was trapped, simply a helpless whiteness of his actions.

Eyes wide the taller blonde man fumbled for his own weapon, appearing more then a little spooked. Poor guy had probably never had a gun pointed at him before.

"Drop the gun!" the guard demanded, but his voice wavered, hands shaking as he held the gun out in front of him. Dean's hand, by contrast, remained steady as he slowly backed up, pushing the wheeled bed with him.

"You're not going to shoot me." Dean kept inching back. "And I don't want to shoot you. But I will if I have to, so just lower the gun, I'll leave and then you can call the police, whatever." his heart hammered in his chest as he watched the two men exchange nervous glances while the nurse did her best to hide behind them. "I don't want to hurt anyone, I just want my friend."

The other man, who had yet to react past a look of fearful surprise, finally spoke to his companion. "Do what he says."

"But-" the taller man started to argue but was cut off.

"Just do it."

The blonde man hesitated before kneeling to the ground and placing his pistol by his feet, eyes never leaving the hunter's. Dean saw his chance and fled the scene, not once looking back as he maneuvered around the blur of frightened or shocked people in his path, some turn to stare, most simple scramble out of his way to avoid being plowed over by the gurney.

The main door would make a horrible escape route once outside, too many people, not to mention the confusing parking lot. Dean turned down a hall, praying there'd be an exit at the end. It's a hospital, they're required to have fire escapes everywhere, right?

His lungs burned, to say nothing of the still fresh injury to his ribs. But Dean didn't slow down, even when he's filled with relief as a red neon exit sign came into view ahead of him.

The door was just big enough to fit through, and the alarm started blasting the moment he opened it, hopefully causing more confusion. Once outside, Dean found himself standing in the darkness, a single wide parking lot in front of him and a sidewalk to either side.

Glancing frantically around, Dean shook Cas shoulder. "Cas! Get up!" he hissed sharply.

When Cas failed to respond, Dean pulled back the sheet from the former angel's head and ran his fingers through the damp curls, noting with growing panic that Cas' breath sounded labored and sweat poured down his face. Ezekiel said he'd healed him end to be out of danger, right?

"Cas!" he tried again, voice breaking. It's not like Dean could carry him all the way to the motel in his current state. "Come on, buddy..."

Finally Cas moaned and turned his half opened eyes in Dean's direction. "Uh?" he muttered, struggling to a sitting position. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Dean said quickly, then added. "I might have pulled a gun on some people in there and... they might not be too happy about it."

For a moment Cas was silent, his blue eyes blink unevenly in the dim light of the street lamps overhead. When he finally spoke and Dean couldn't have been less prepared.

"And you say I do stupid things?"

* * *

 _I had a really hard time writing this and I, still not completely happy with it but *shrugs* hope you guys enjoy it anyway :)_


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